I'm Working Out & Eating Like I Don't...

For the past two months, I've been working out with a personal trainer and eating like a chubster would at their local Dairy Queen (wait a minute...have YOU tried the peppermint Blizzard yet!?) Let's face it, I ate the Blizzard on Sunday and even though it was a mini size (thank you for that), I left the DQ filled with guilt. I also experienced guilt over those slices of pizza and the toffee candy I just popped in my mouth two minutes go.

Needless to say, this abominable "nutrition plan" has complemented my work out plan like Jeggings would compliment Kathy Bates. It doesn't work. Sure, I'm working out 3-4 days a week and hitting the gym hard, thanks to a trainer who is simply "no nonsense" and takes my grunts and groans as "Oooh, she must like this! Ten more seconds in the plank position."
BAH!

But to be fair, the trainer's help is awesome and I'm learning a lot about what my body can and could do with a little more discipline and more time spent on improvement. I'm torching calories and toning up, but I'm losing ZERO weight.

That's right people: ZERO pounds. In TWO months.
ZERO.

Last week, during a training appointment, I had my measurements taken. I've lost inches in the funniest places:
3/4 inches off one of my legs. (Yes, you read that properly - I have a fat leg and a skinny leg.)
1/4 inches off my waist
3/4 inches off my neck (I couldn't believe this either. I had inches to lose in my neck!)

This is me being honest - The above report SUCKS.

Talk about being disappointed in myself. In past years, if I wanted to lose weight, I'd go low-carb and that'd be the end of it. Ten pounds would peel off in no time flat and I'd simply work out more. Now?
It's not that simple anymore. I'm working with professionals who encourage me to eat following the low-glycemic index and who believe that progress should be slow-going.
(Sigh)

And to further that honesty - the scale hasn't budged because I'm a big wuss about the nutrition part of it and have allowed myself into too many scenarios when I'm starving and running for cold pizza for breakfast. To be fair, I haven't been eating junk all the time, but I certainly haven't been watching my diet or really following the directions. In short, I've been working out so I can eat. This - proven here - does nothing but allow me to stay the same size and the same poundage.

This isn't why I'm doing this.
I have goals.
Or rather, I thought I did. Someone needs to explain the goals again to my brain, because it's my brain that doesn't get that I can't eat whatever the hell I want and still fit into bikini. (Did I mention that goal? I'd like to wear a bikini again. Someday. I haven't worn one since 1998. Not.Kidding.)

I know I'm being hard on myself, but I've fallen into the self-destructive eating pattern when I should be listening to the pros and just doing it; just eating what they prescribe, because who better to know what works than a professional?
I certainly can't be trusted on my own!

So it's accountability time again. Here's where I'm going wrong lately. (Don't worry, I'll follow it up with some accomplishments.) :-)

1. I'm eating like calories and portions don't really matter.
2. Snacks are replacing meals. I've been busier than I've ever been before (w/ stressful situations, work, and holidays) and I'm eating on the go all the time.
3. I'm eating out a lot. A LOT. And usually when I'm too hungry.
4. I'm eating too much processed food and not enough fruit and vegetables. I haven't been cooking at home much or packing my lunch properly for work.
5. I've been giving in to peer pressure.
6. I've been too hard on myself when I should have just picked myself back up and forged ahead, wiser.
7. I've ONLY been working out 3-4 days a week. This is not enough.
8. Stress has taken over where common sense used to be.
9. Holiday baking. Hrmph.
10. I have an unrealistic vision of what a 'portion' is.

There. It's out in the open. I suck with the nutrition part of my plan. This doesn't mean I can't fix it. I will. I am.
Writing this blog is a part of that and I know I'm pretty critical of myself, but at the same time, I can't just ignore my behavior. If I want to reach my goals, then I have to get over some of my food demons. Otherwise, I'm going to let my trainer down and ultimately, myself down.
No one likes a quitter. And no one likes a whiner.

And to get out of the whine part of this blog, here is what IS going well:

1. I did lose inches. That's a plus.
2. I'm stronger and I can see emerging muscle tone. Strength training is turning my body into a fight-worthy machine. You may wanna mess with me, but you shouldn't mess with me. ;-)
3. I like my work outs. (even though they hurt - a lot)
4. I'm still committed to this.
5. I haven't been binge eating. No buckets of chicken for one or anything like that. I've abstained from fast food especially for the most part.
6. People close to me notice my body is firmer and tighter. The compliments I've received are nice.
7. I'm STILL DOING THIS! I'm NOT quitting!
8. Did I mention that I did hold that plank for another ten seconds! Yes, yes I did. Thank YOU very much!
9. My clothes fit well. Same size. Better fit.
10. I'm not naive or blindly blocking out reality. I know what needs to be done to move forward into 2012.

So you see, amidst the recent failures, I have some reasons to celebrate and keep going. That's a plus. And I'm adjusting my goals a little so I can chart my victories, big or small, this year:

1. Lose the appropriate amount of pounds for my height/frame. (Me and my trainer know what this number is.)

2. Get comfortable being ME. And get comfortable with the emerging me.

3. Talk more; eat less. (If you've ever gone out to dinner with me, you know this one.)

4. Celebrate all the reasons to treat my body with love and respect. Oh yeah, and actually treat my body with love and respect. ;-)

5. Give up on unrealistic expectations I've always secretly held onto.

6. Quit comparing myself to other people. I'm not them; they're not me. I may be bigger, but they may have bad breath or outstanding warrants.

;-)

You get the picture. And I apologize if my blog sounds the same and it sways back and forth between being exuberant over a race to self-deprecating over a weight gain or a set-back, but you know what people?

That's life.

My life.

So hang on with me or get outta the way.

Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year!

Still Running...

Hello! Some time has gone by since my last post, but as you can see from this awesome group Turkey-Day photo, I'm still running!

On Thanksgiving morning (aka my birthday), two good friends and I ran a turkey trot (4 mile). It was cold; it was hilly; it was worth it.

My time hasn't improved much, in fact, I gained a minute from the September race, but considering this course was far hillier than the first, I'm not shocked.

It was a good "get your booty in gear" start to the holiday and it kicked off a great day spent with friends - one where I wasn't feeling guilty all day for eating snacks and butter-laden casseroles.

I don't have another run scheduled yet and I'm dedicating this winter to becoming fitter, leaner, and hopefully, faster. Yes, I can run several miles, but well, not at all quickly.
I've added the help of a personal trainer and am hoping that helps me reach some goals between now and the spring time, when I hope to be able to do at least a 10K.

Here's me - really glad to be done!
------------------------------>

Just check out that crazy ponytail!

Talk about making your birthday count. I could have slept in and really relaxed. No way. I've got too much riding on this whole fitness thing. :-)

This race was family-friendly (see: Big Turkey mascot) and though not as well attended as the September Fort4Fitness, it brought in a crowd of over 3,000 to the small, quaint University of Saint Francis area.

Back to the regular fitness programming...

I've been working with a trainer for about a month now. Sadly, I haven't seen any pounds lost, but have gained some muscle definition and feel a lot stronger and healthier.
(Well, except for this week's bout of the stomach flu.)

I confess, watching the scale jump manically between 5-10 pound weight gains and losses each week makes me feel crazy. However, my clothes fit; I feel good (most of the time); and I have to be making progress. Somewhere.
My workouts have gone from once or twice a week to sometimes 4-5. My training appointments hold me accountable for three of those days, which is awesome, and those appointments make me excited to work out alone. :-)
(Wait, that's not exactly how I meant it...)

My diet?
Still needs work. Big time. I'm considering going back to low-carb, but it's too soon on this program to just give up on the new whole grains.

I hope to check in more frequently, but I've gotten caught up in the living part of this and not the documenting and I'm still trying to balance it out.




Happy Holidays!

Hashimoto's: How can something that sounds awesome, be so terrible?

A week ago, I had a six-month follow up with my endocrinologist, who confirmed officially that I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, which according to Wikipedia is: an autoimmune disease in which the thyroid gland is gradually destroyed by a variety of cell- and antibody-mediated immune processes. I've known for nine years that I am hypothyroid, meaning my thyroid gland moves and produces metabolic hormones at the speed of dial-up Internet. What I didn't know was that the cause was a slow, methodical attack upon myself.

I don't know about you, but Hashimoto sounds like a Japanese warrior name - conjuring words like brave, indestructible, and all things that means conquer and success. What it means - destroy destroy destroy.

The symptoms that come with hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's are as follows:

• Fatigue and sluggishness
• Increased sensitivity to cold
• Constipation
• Pale, dry skin
• A puffy face
• Hoarse voice
• An elevated blood cholesterol level
• Unexplained weight gain — occurring infrequently and rarely exceeding 10 to 20 pounds, most of which is fluid
• Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness, especially in your shoulders and hips
• Pain and stiffness in your joints and swelling in your knees or the small joints in your hands and feet
• Muscle weakness, especially in your lower extremities
• Excessive or prolonged menstrual bleeding (menorrhagia)
• Depression

Pretty awesome, huh?

Diagnosed and treated (like mine), Hashimoto's isn't life-threatening; it's really just a constant struggle to diminish and avoid weight gain and a generally uncomfortable existence.
Many women have it. Many don't know.
Many people have other hormone or endocrine-related illnesses and chalk it up to inability to lose weight or depression.

It's not that simple.

Why I am telling you this now? Recently, I made a big deal about getting on the right track to fitness and health and right in the middle of that energy, I experienced what I call a "thyroid flare" or "attack," meaning my thyroid hormone levels suddenly went off balance. In short, it's a period when the thyroid hormone replacement therapy isn't dosed quite right or my thyroid has a period of its own frenzy. In short, despite some heft efforts, I've gained weight and have lapsed into a phase of complete frustration.

Not depression. Frustration.
See all those symptoms above? Think of those, all the time, for weeks at a time, in exaggerated form.

The result? I'm pretty pissed off.
My response?

Get a trainer to kick my ass on a weekly basis and kick my grief over how I feel into motivation to fight anything getting in my way.
The result?
I halted the weight gain. I'm getting better work outs.
But I feel miserable. I'm actually losing my hair. (Thank God it's thick hair!)

The doc tells me I'm at the point where the thyroid gland really just doesn't work all that much anymore and occasionally will sputter and confuse my body into some hormonal chaos, but in short, I'm on hormone replacement therapy - FOR LIFE.

Fun.

And I really have to watch what I eat from now on. No excuses. No sneaking. No whining about not being able to stick to it or lack of self-control. With each bad choice, I'm freaking my body out.

So rather than being pissed off and sad and giving up, I'm going all warrior style and fighting back this ridiculousness. I may never be tiny or gain much feeling back in my extremities during the winter, but I don't have to take this BS.
If anything, my diagnosis is the added kick in the pants that I've needed in addition to a trainer. It's not enough to try feebly and talk fitness, it's got to be coupled with serious action.

What does this mean - serious action?
Well, it means working out a lot harder than before. It means actually making sure I take all of my supplements (prescribed by the good doc) and it means not letting my lifestyle (or penchant for salty snacks) destroy the progress I made over the past few months.
(When I was first diagnosed, I was nearly 200 lbs. I'm never going back there.)

Speaking of supplements, some interesting tidbits that come with Hashimoto's, at least, for me:
I'm completely deficient in Vitamin D3 and B5 (pantothenic acid - which is usually found in starving people in 3rd world countries)
I need to take fish oil (eeeewww).
I need to eat almonds (10 a day).
I'm supposed to eat a low glycemic/Greek diet.
(Yay for olive oil and red wine!) :-)

Maybe you're thinking that this isn't such a big deal; grand scheme of things, probably not. However, some of the big issues that come with hypothyroidism and Hashimoto's (particularly when symptoms aren't controlled): clinical depression, infertility, risk of requiring thyroid surgery, goiter, or thyroid cancer.

I'm not ^ there. Now.
Thank goodness.

But! It's something to keep in mind when you hear someone saying they have a sluggish thyroid or that a thyroid issue is countering their ability to feel good or lose weight. It's not an excuse; it's real. It makes reaching a fitness goal infuriating from time to time, especially when you can't control a lousy butterfly-shaped gland.
Ugh!
Maddening.

I'll tell you this though - there are a lot of worse illnesses and people who have larger struggles. The theme here is:

Be a warrior; Don't give up.
Ever.

The Usual Suspects...

Getting fit is tough work. If I've learned anything in the past few months, it's that consistency is everything and even the tiniest indiscretion (see beer, pizza, too little sleep, etc.) can wreak havoc on any progress made.

It's time to talk realistically about my diet. I hate this part, frankly, because in truth, I try and operate like I can eat anything I want without consequence. Unfortunately, this simply isn't the case. I'm not exempt and the evidence is clear that I know what I should and should not eat; however, I need to put science to action here when it comes to filling my plate.

Over the past few months, I've identified the nasty culprits, the usual suspects if you will - foods that pretty much fall into one or both of the following categories:
1) Terrible for you and/or I cannot control the portions when faced with the option
2) Never seem to agree with my body and/or instantly stalls out my weight loss

Here they are. These are my Most Wanted List members and these are the items I need to refrain from eating. Living on the low end of the glycemic index is what works for me and my metabolism and these nasties just keep holding me back.

1. Ranch dressing
(see: http://indianaworkingwoman.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-love-affair-with-ranch-dressing-fat.html)

I have fallen into that camp where Ranch Dressing goes with just about anything and it's totally kicking my ass.

2. Delivery pizza

I have never believed in just two pieces and the temptation to eat the leftovers for breakfast doesn't help. I do pretty well with thin-crust/healthier versions, but those are few and far between.

3. Nachos

I simply cannot be trusted with nachos.

4. Pasta (of any kind)

There is something about pasta that just destroys everything for me. I eat one serving of spaghetti and I gain pounds before it's digested. I have never found a healthy way to eat pasta and most pasta is nearly devoid of nutritional value.

5. M & Ms candy

I've managed to steer clear of these, but when I see a bowl of them, handfuls become the serving size when one bag is nearly 250 calories alone!

6. Dorito's

I've been known to hog the bag at parties. I am ashamed of this one.

7. French Fries

I used to avoid these like the plague, but lately I've been making an exception and there is no really good reason to eat a French fry.

8. Beer

Very empty calories that could be spent on nutritious foods. Can be substituted for healthier beverage options. Even red wine is a better choice.

9. Rice.

Believe it or not, even I can overindulge on brown rice.

10. All things salty-snacky.

Ever tried those awesome little garlic sesame sticks? Or trail mix? Or Chex Mix (my God! I like Chex Mix) In fact, my whole approach to the holidays is filling up on snacks because I don't give a flying fig about turkey and potatoes. I'm known to skip dessert and most of the meal in exchange for eating my weight in hors d'oevres.

So, what's the point of this list? One, I'm shaming myself a little because I'm supposed to be all gung-ho about being fit and these bad boys haven't been addressed fully yet. Secondly, I need to identify what thwarts my efforts. I mean, what's the point of running three miles only to go out and eat a 1,000 calorie meal?

I also realize that I don't need a diet, I need to get real. I need to accept that I can't eat whatever I want or eat even healthy foods in ginormous amounts. I can't do that and reach any of my goals. I can't stay true to what I tell other people if I can't even resist the chip bag.

I've started working some personal training into my fitness program and I have to stand firm on my food weaknesses or this added expense and commitment isn't going to help me at all. If nothing, it'll become the equivalent of flushing money down the toilet or burning it. How can I ask someone else to hold me accountable when I won't?

So here goes...rather...I keep going. Each set-back is a lesson and each lesson leads to greater things in the future.

What are your usual suspects?

Hooray!!!! Fort 4 Fitness Success story

Hooray for goals accomplished! This is my running buddy, Nicole, and I just after finishing our first four-mile race. See how red and happy we are?!

We have been working hard for the past year to finally be able to participate in a run like Fort 4 Fitness and here we are, beaming from having accomplished our goals!

We did pretty well for our first time and for not having a consistent running schedule over the past few weeks. Nicole kicked some serious tail with a 41 minute four mile.


I came in shortly behind at 45 minutes. Goals?
1) Don't die. DIDN'T. :-)
2) Run the whole thing. DID!
3) Don't take an hour. Hello?! I said 45 minutes (approx. 11.2 min/mile)
4) Have fun! Totally did.

Were we nervous before the race? Hell yeah! But we were super pumped to have gotten this far and the race was really really cool. There were over 9500 participants!



My results:

	bib number: 3336 age: 31 gender: F location: Fort Wayne, IN overall place: 695 out of 2838 division place: 84 out of 306 gender place: 357 out of 1983 time: 45:19 pace: 11:20

I have to say, this was a lot different than running around our neighborhood, where we know every crack in the pavement, every sewer drain. This run was awesome because at each street, there were people cheering and music and people just partying along the sidelines wishing us well. Now I know why people run in these things.
It's FUN.

Now that Fort 4 Fitness is over, we're prepping to run in a Thanksgiving Day race. It's time to jot down some new goals. For me, it's creating a better, more frequent running schedule and improving pace and distance. That coupled with toning up and shaving off a few pounds (not a lot, but some). I have a new ensemble in my closet as motivation.

With our first race completed, it's time to take what we know to the next level and really get our groove on!

Jitters and Rockin' that Bod

Tomorrow is the first, official race I've ever participated in. Ever. And it's really not that big of a deal. It's a four mile run/walk. (See: I can WALK if I want to!) But! I'm not. And I'm a bundle of nerves.

Never mind that I've been running for quite some time now and I've hit four miles (w/o walking) several times before. But! I haven't a clue what to expect. Forget all those running blogs I've been reading and the materials I've gotten in the mail. Somewhere between my rational brain and my irrational brain (I have two) this sends a signal that reads very simply - GET NERVOUS. BE NERVOUS. ALL DAY.

Funny, the nerves aren't really about the running; it's about not having done this before. This should be seen (rational brain) as EXCITING and WHOO HOO WE MADE IT; nope. Nervy. Terribly terribly nervy.

Here's what the irrational brain is transmitting:

1. Dana falls on face at the starting line. Everyone laughs.
2. Dana's left foot decides "F U. Not running. No way." (see number 1)
3. Dana pees pants.
4. Dana has a brain malfunction and can't follow directions. Runs someplace else - goes wrong way - gets lost.
5. Dana gets attacked by random grizzly bear during mile three.
6. Dana too deaf to hear starting sounds, warning sounds, any sounds; misses race/important signals/doesn't hear alarm clock at the break of dawn.
7. Dana falls in big pit of mud/gunk/sand/concrete/jello. Whatever. Big pit she shouldn't fall in.
8. Dana shows up to race naked and doesn't know it. Everyone laughs. (see number 1)
9. Dana wears inappropriate layers - burns to death in sudden heat wave.
10. Dana comes in last, bleeding from the mouth and eyes having done 1-9 somehow in succession and again, everyone laughs.

(Now I'm laughing.) :-)

Funny what the brain does, isn't it?
The rational brain?

Says: "You got this. This is fun. Remember?"

Thought you'd like to read that for kicks and maybe I'm not the only one who is treating this first, though mild, experience like the first day of high school.
(UGH. High School.)

Which brings me to this:
Grades 9-12 should have been spent running around in skimpy clothing and showing off my great, athlete's bod. One of my old choir mates posted this photo on Facebook:

Now, if you can avoid zeroing in on the enormous, sausage-y bangs and the fact that I'm wearing no make-up whatsoever, you'll notice I'm wearing clothing at least two sizes too large for my body. See: giant khaki shorts that are size 10s when they should have been 6s and Large, body-hiding GAP sweatshirt that I kept wearing until it ripped itself apart from overuse.

Back then, I could have gone out wearing nothing but shorts and bikini top. Instead, I dressed like that!

Crazy, right? If I had my size 6 body today, I'd be running around and jumping for joy like a loon. Back then, I had it and took it for granted or hid it out of shame because it wasn't a size 2 or 0.
Seriously.

What the F is wrong with us girls sometimes?

Just like my fears and anxieties about running tomorrow's four mile are completely irrational, so was hiding my teenage body in enormous man clothing. I had nothing to worry about then, and nothing to worry about now.

I should have been more worried about those bangs!

So here I am, years later, still worrying about silly things and still wondering if there's a part of me who is going to "be like everyone else" when it's critical. And for what?
A feeling of belonging? Blending in?

Crazy.

Instead, it's time to give up the worry and just have some fun.

Transformer

This is me with my sister and best friend, Darcy. For us, becoming happier and healthier is a transformation worth smiling about. Without humor, you got nothin'.

Here's to being the best us we can be!

Sometimes, I Want to Quit

Revamping my fitness approach and trying to stay consistent with diet and exercise amidst a pretty hectic lifestyle is an incredible challenge. When things get tough, I often want to quit. I see other women in restaurants who order the large bowl of pasta and it doesn't seem to make them swell with each bite. I look at my svelte gal friends and silently envy their trimness and wonder, "with all this hard work and little result - what's the point?" I stare hopelessly in the mirror at my own frame in multiple dress styles willing myself to accept what they look like when it doesn't at all look good. I take one bad day at the office or at home and have to negotiate with myself over a M&Ms or nachos. Some days - I just wanna give the hell up.

And then I think about this photo. Sure, I'm not tiny here, but this picture represents a time when I felt and looked better than I had in ages. My waist was trim; I'd been working out; and I could wear tighter clothing without feeling like a sausage. I think about this photo and the fact that at this time, I was at my lightest weight since high school. I look at this photo and remember that weekend I spent in Nashville with my sister, who always makes me feel more beautiful and more powerful than I ever think I am. I think about my confidence at that time and how working out was fun and not an inconvenience. And I remember: there's a reason I always go back to working on my fitness.

Deep down, I like it.
It's part of me. Who I am.
I may not be Jillian Michaels, but I can't live without mindful eating and working out. I just can't and feel normal.
(or whatever normal is supposed to feel like)

Never mind that the clothing in this photo is hideous. I mean, I am wearing a Cheshire cat-looking t-shirt for crying out loud, but this photo reminds me that I work out; I try to eat right; and I get back on the wagon each time I fall off because I need this.

Working out and making healthy choices makes me feel in control, motivated, positive, and powerful. I feel confident and lighter each time I hit the pavement or avoid the bread basket at a restaurant. Sure, it may suck at the time, but the self-control and feeling of elation later at reaching a fitness goal somehow makes that bread look like nothing. It makes me more excited to put on my sneakers and run even when I'm exhausted.

Lately, I haven't been true to my diet. I've gone nearly two weeks on what I'd call a binger and I've made running a backseat passenger instead of my daily copilot. Sure, I've been nursing a sore leg/foot, but that's become an excuse too. So has the rain. So has staying up late and getting up just early enough.

In short: I've been lazy.
To be clear, I've felt like giving up because lately, I've felt like a poser. Yeah, I'm still making wise choices when I eat and I'm still working out, but there's this sick feeling each time someone asks about my healthy Facebook posts as I'm taking a bite of chocolate cake. Yeah, I have guilt.
Incorporating a few whole grain foods back into my diet has also opened the flood gates: beer, chips, fries, crackers...ugh. Just thinking about some of those choices over the past few weeks makes me angry.

My point? I'm pissed off at myself, but I'm not giving up.
I have fallen off the wagon more times than I care to admit and I'm about three months slow on getting close to a weight loss goal. I set out to lose thirty-some odd pounds. I've only lost 10.
I'm not really forcing myself the way I'd tell someone else to if they were in my shoes.

I'm not, NOT practicing what I preach.
And that's not cool.

So with this confession, I'll add some successes. These are what motivate me and these are what will get me over myself so I can push through my bad choices spell and move forward with my plan. I have a race in fourteen days and my birthday is in about two months.

It's the Little Things:

1. I've been reading health and fitness blogs like crazy to stay motivated. Without them, the binger would have been much worse.

2. I'm still tracking my calories and carbs. It hurts, but it's honest.

3. I can run four miles. More if I pushed myself harder.

4. I finally bought some nice running gear for added motivation and to invest in a lifestyle I really want.

5. I still haven't had an over 2,000 calorie day (by my amateur calculations at least)

6. My legs are awesome. I have definition and muscle where there wasn't any a year ago.

7. I have friends and loved ones who support me.

8. I have the old me to remind me every day of what I'd like to be and how far I've come.

9. I'm still willing to learn and willing to try - even when my attitude sucks.

10. I've refused to accept a poor choice at meal time and have countered it with the next day/meal.

So there you have it. Call it emotional or a confession or whatever, but I've been strugglefest-ing my way through the first part of September and I'm messing up my progress. I'm moody and frustrated and sometimes, I just feel like throwing in the towel.

But I won't.

Being healthy and fit is about me. It's the one thing in the world I get to do for myself and not for someone else. It's the investment that ensures my life does suck from my 32nd birthday onward. And even though I'm worn out, angry, and feeling a bit low, I know I have the strength in here and the motivation to kick my own ass a little - in a good way.

Immediate goals:

1. Run twice this weekend. Yes, that means getting up EARLY on Saturday/Sunday.
2. Avoid the trigger foods. I know what these are.
3. Water. Water. Water.
4. Eat.Breakfast.Every.Day. A real one. Not just peanuts or a meal replacement shake.
5. Practice what I'm preaching: eat small portions, limit indulgences, and work out like a madwoman.

When the going gets tough, I have too much riding on my long term goals to just sit back and take my own beating.

Let's go!

I "heart" my new running shoes

UPDATE:
My new running shoes - Brooks Ghost 4

I absolutely love them! The first run with them was amazing!!!

And the clothes fit perfectly too. What a rush!

Happy happy Joy joy!!!!

The Clothes Make the Fitness

I have less than a month before my first four-mile race and I've slacked all week long on running. That said, staying and feeling fit has never left my mind. I replaced my usual 3-4 runs/week with 3 kick-ass walks with my sister while she was here visiting. We walked at least ten miles in three days. Tonight, it's back to running.

I took a brief hiatus from the pavement last week due to a growing pain in my left foot/lower calf. I've been stretching it and flexing it and it feels better. I suspect the pain comes from a variety of things: 1) my inherent flat-footedness (most know that I walk like Godzilla most of the time anyway) 2) a poor choice in sandal (they were on sale) and 3) not paying attention to my gait during my last few runs. With the hiatus though, I realized that perhaps I may need a new shoe to better suit my monster feet. My left foot, for example, seems to hit the ground naturally with a full-on BOOM rather than a soft heal-toe motion. But I digress...

On Monday, I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to find a new pair of running shoes to replace my 8 month old Asics. I've liked Asics for some time now because their roomy and comfy for a flat foot. (same idea with Adidas and New Balance) Upon entering the sporting goods store, and this was not the first time, it hit me:

The second scariest part of learning to run?

Trying to find the gear and to be COOL about it.

I walked in, looked around, and immediately felt panicky. This hasn't happened before, but this time, I had a bum foot to worry about and the knowledge of a five year-old on the playground when it comes to actual, legit running stuff. I walked back to the shoe department, eyeballing running clothes and gear thinking "I don't even know what fits or what works. Dammit. How can I FAKE IT?"
(enter the adolescent mentality)

The salesperson I worked with was super friendly. She noticed me gazing blankly at the wall of shoes trying not to look like I was reading all the fine print on each brand. I paced a little too, I think. Needless to say, I was probably a little overzealous when she asked if I wanted help.

YES!!!

First, I tried on another Asic in an 8 and not an 8 1/2. It felt a bit more snug, but immediately more stable than my other shoe. I tried on an expensive Asic and a not-so-expensive Asic. I was saddened to learn that of the two, the one that felt best was PINK. Now, I'm not anti-pink, but my last two pairs of running shoes have been pink. Enough with the pink.
Unfortunately, the super fancy Asics, the Gel Nimbus 13 running shoe, wasn't comfortable enough to justify the price.

So? I tried a New Balance. It didn't work out.

I asked the salesperson, did she know anything about other brands? Did she know of any other manufacturer that catered to flat, unstable feet?
She said Brooks.

I walked away with a new pair of Brooks' Ghost 4 running sneaks. They were super comfy and super fun to hop around in and walk around in. Tonight - we ride.
I'll let you know how it works out.
Nearly an hour later, I had my sneaks.

But what about gear? Outerwear?
I was stumped. I clumsily looped around the apparel area of the store. I had rookie stamped on my head as I was immediately drawn to other shoppers who bee-lining for items they "always wear."

I confess. I grabbed new socks. (I know socks.) And a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. I've been timid to try them on. I know, lame right? That happens tonight too.
I kept the receipt.
I'm telling you, walking around a store where other shoppers are geared out in spandex and looking all sorts of Sarah Jessica Parker in a Barney's boutique, well it's freaking terrifying.

I don't care if I sound like a child here, but tell me you haven't had this happen to you? Or is there some special fitness gene that some people get and others don't? I have 23 days before my race and I am still working on what I'm going to wear. Should it be tight-fitting? Loose-fitting? Aerodynamic? (Yes please!) What is the best brand?
Frankly, I don't even know why someone would wear knee-length socks either! (Have you seen these?)

I left the store in standard form: bright neon green shoes, black shorts, a green T, and standard issue sports socks.
I feel like a kid prepping for the first day of school.

Think the others can tell a rookie just by what he/she wears on race day?
It's not that I care, I'm just asking. What I'm ultimately worried about is my gear slowing me down! That new Tshirt? Better not catch the wind wrong. The shoes? Better not hurt.
The shorts? I don't want them riding up!

How does one even begin to know what to do the first time they enter the store?
Call for help?

At the end of the day, I felt awesome about my purchases and look forward to putting them to use, despite erring on the safe side. Spandex? Ahem, NO.
Report to follow.

About Food

A few nights ago, I flipped on PBS before bedtime for a little noise while I was getting ready to go to sleep. As I was walking from the bathroom to the bedroom, I glanced up at the TV only to be faced with coverage of cramped, scarier than hell chicken farms. Stunned, I stood in front of the TV a moment, trying to incorporate the images and brief initial commentary to something I'd either heard of or seen before. At the time, I couldn't.

But...

I couldn't stop watching. The program went on (I love PBS for their LACK of commercials!) and I became engrossed in watching what I later learned was Food, Inc, a documentary of our country's food industry. I still can't stop thinking about this film or about the information it presented regarding how our meat is processed; how our farmers are treated; how our workers are treated; and how it is far less expensive to buy Happy Meals than it is to buy fresh produce. I recall constantly messaging my fitness buddy with "OMG Are you seeing this?!" and "Oh no! No no no no no no!"

I knew there was a reason that I can't look at semi tractor-trailers hauling cattle or chickens or other livestock. It just conjures up every evil fear I have of how our meat is processed and how our animals are treated. This film just hammered the nail in the coffin for me. What I've always hoped was not true, likely is true, or at least, most of the time. I still can't get some of the images out of my head. For instance, coating meat with ammonia to ward off bacteria. WHAT!? We trade poison for bacteria. Nice. I've also recently learned about "meat glue" and about how our industry feeds corn to livestock rather than their natural diet, grass.

Before you start worrying and thinking I'm going to develop a soap box here or join PETA, you're wrong. I'm not. But, watching this film sent my mind going to how we look at food, consume food, and how we treat food. I mean to us, what IS food? Why DON'T we know more about where it comes from or what it's made from and how it impacts our bodies and our environment? Why do we simply order off the menu blindly and pick up packaged processed foods without a second thought? Because it's easy? Because we have trust in our government and food industries? Our farmers? Our planet? What is it that makes mindless eating possible?

First, as a result of watching this film, I'm certainly more interested in where my food comes from and what I put into my body. No ammonia or feces, thank you very much.

What gets me is that it took a documentary like this one to force me to evaluate more specifically why I eat what I eat and what foods I choose. Sure, I know, for the most part, the "bad foods" and the good foods," but this film drills down even further. Are certain foods safe? Have they been treated or packaged properly? Are they "REAL" food!? We eat so many chemicals nowadays that I'm not sure we give those ingredient lists much thought. When I think of all the diabetics and hypo-hyper thyroid patients and heart disease patients out there and then think about all of the processed or manufactured ingredients, it certainly makes sense that we face a nation of obesity and heart attacks. Don't even start me in on cancer.

So, how do we look at food? Rather, how do YOU look at food? I'm just recently starting to accept food as "fuel" and not just a means for pleasure or soothing some emotional sore spot. True, I'm a foodie too and I love a great meal and appreciate a well-prepared, creative dish. However, more often than not, I'm not getting that at most casual restaurants. Right? Right.
Those fine, gourmet meals are usually a treat, something prepared once in awhile. All the time? It's garbage city.

To me, food should not only taste good, but BE GOOD. Food should serve a purpose - fueling the body to perform its metabolic functions. It should be satisfying and with luck, incredibly tasty. Sure, it may feel good for a moment to devour an entire bag of Doritos or a pint of ice cream, but are those ingredients good for you or your system?
No.
The result? Panic and depression during bikini season and that's not even the half of it.

And then I think about how fortunate I am to have the OPTION to eat healthfully. I can afford to buy vegetables and fruit and lean meats and fresh dairy products. I'm not forced (usually) to count penny-by-penny or clip a lot of coupons to buy the groceries I need. (Mind you, I probably SHOULD clip more coupons.) What about all of the individuals and families who can buy a five-box package of Kraft Macaroni and cheese for the cost of several heads of broccoli or a few pears? Why is drive-thru $1 menu food less expensive than a bunch of carrots or pound of apples? It just doesn't make sense when we want our nation to be healthier, slimmer, and happier.

I know I'm rambling here, but this is what this film does. It forces the mind to race and to check all the ways in which we evaluate food and energy and how little value we place on where our food comes from. Why are we feeding children fruit juice loaded with sugar and additives? Why are we eating chips instead of veggies? So many things at home and in the larger world have to occur to turn the tide back, I'm sure.

I guess what blows my mind most is how easily I let all of this slide by me from day-to-day. It doesn't register, this food cycle, and how it plays an intense role in economics, my health, the health of my community, the business, and overall environment in which I live.

I am not a hippie.
I repeat:
I am not a hippie.

I'm becoming cognizant in an area where I wasn't appreciative or aware before. I've heard other people wax poetic about being vegan or vegetarian or animal rights activists and to me, there's a thin line between educated and making choices and being downright pretentious.
So far, I'm neither. I'm just learning and observing and hoping to incorporate wiser choices as a result of this unexpected opportunity.

I recommend checking this documentary out and I know there are many others out there that I've yet to watch. At the end of the day, be aware of food, I suppose, is what my message is. Be aware of what it means to you, your body, and others. How the process and implications of our food industry affect health, business, the overall economic landscape, and how we relate to one another. Lord knows this awareness is long overdue for me and I've been obsessed with health blogs and fitness articles for years now. I've somehow only subconsciously drawn connections - you know, the ones that quietly read: This doesn't REALLY apply to you. Have another chicken strip.

One action I took this year was to become more involved in one of our local farmer's markets. I buy SOME produce locally to support our local farmers and to enjoy fresher foods. There is nothing, NOTHING I say, better than a fresh, summer tomato, off a vine. No comparison to those in the grocery store.

Fresh tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil from the YLNI Barr Street Market (Fort Wayne, IN)


I've also tried to incorporate more organics into my diet. Mind you, they are more expensive and though I don't need to count every penny, it doesn't mean that every penny doesn't count. I suppose this is called making baby steps. If possible, I'd like to take a cleaner, healthier approach across the board, but this means addressing meat, fish, and dairy in a more mindful way too. That will come with time, I think. My current goal is to learn all I can and to adjust my diet slowly so as to make a more healthful impact on myself and eventually for others (by example or by my health being so good that I can do more for others). Lofty goals yes. Important goals? Absolutely.

I'm not becoming a vegetarian and I'm not evolving into a flier-waggling activist today. But I'm making small changes to a better diet and a better, healthful lifestyle. It's easy when you do one thing at a time. All it takes is a little motivation. This film will do it.

After all, doing a little is far better than doing nothing at all.

Here's to mindful eating!

Four Miles For Fitness

Yesterday marked a major milestone in my new fitness program. Nearly a year ago, my neighbor and I decided to try to the Couch to 5K program, an approach to running that helps ol' potatoes like me become svelte runners in no time flat.

I've never run more than one mile before last summer/fall, when we began our evening jogs - my goal at all times becoming the former fit me you see to the right. At the time, neither my running partner nor I could jog more than few minutes at a time without gasping for breath. We spent a good deal of time walking and lamenting how challenging the running was - at first.

A year has passed. Last night, my friend and I ran four full miles without stopping, without gasping for breath and without really hurting. Honestly, I think we probably could have gone even farther had we not been so excited about reaching the four mile goal. We had set out to run three miles in the balmy, rainy weather, only to realize very quickly that we could shift into a comfortable pace that would allow even more distance.

Mind you, four miles is not a big deal to most. To us? It's HUGE.
We have our first race scheduled for 9-24-11 and our goal was to run this four mile race successfully. Me? My plan was originally to just make it through in one piece - in other words, without dying. Now? Running that four mile in a month seems completely doable. (Warning - I'm still high from our success.)

For months we've been stuck at the two mile mark, grappling to go a little further each time. Last night, we blew through a few steps going from 2-4 miles in one evening. Maybe the Fates were smiling, maybe we were both properly fueled beforehand. I don't know. What I do know is that this little victory has been a giant boost in being ready to push my fitness activity to the next level.

Coming in from the run, my boyfriend made the comment: "Wow, I'm really proud of you. You know, if you can do four, you can do five. Ten even!"

A year ago, I would have scoffed at him. I would have said "Yeah right," and headed for a snack. Today? It certainly seems possible. Doable. Above all, I don't loathe running like I used to. A former sprinter (see track, softball, basketball), running distance was not even a blip on my radar. When I first started training, I had no confidence that I could really do it. Now? I feel comfortable telling people that "I run" or that "I'm a runner," when a year ago, it would have been a big fat joke.

Cheers to a new milestone! I'm going to stick with this mileage and hopefully improve my time over the next month in preparation for the race. My goal then will be to increase the miles and improve the time...who knows? Maybe one day I'll do some major races once I've lost some of the anchor weight that inevitably slows me down. Ha ha.

All I know is that right now, I'm incredibly pumped about what my body can do now that it couldn't do before. The opportunities seem endless and it took just a piddly four miles to prove it to myself. Funny how that works.

A recap from my first "major" run:

*Mile Two is the toughest. Once through that mile, I became 'high' on running and things didn't feel quite so difficult. I felt a little light headed and to a degree felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I went from being an emotional being to feeling more like a machine.

*I have long hair and tucking that giant ponytail under into one of those bobtail-looking thingies, well that helped a ton. I didn't feel like I had my hair weighing me down. In fact, I felt more aerodynamic.

*My running partner is awesome. This journey wouldn't nearly be as fun or as amazing without her.

*My thighs aren't rubbing together - as much. I don't care who you are, but THAT'S Victory right there. :-) I still have about 20-25 lbs to go.

*Running in the rain wasn't bad at all. I remember a time when we'd cancel runs because it was sprinkling. Now, it just makes us feel more badass. Soggy, but badass.

*I'm learning to like running. Every few months I set a goal. Here's to setting the next one at 5 miles.

*I'm still a newbie. In the grand tradition of running, four miles is for wimps. That said, I am excited to learn more, become a better runner, and to share what I've learned with others. Now that I have some distance under my belt, it's time to develop an even better training/nutrition program.

YES! We did it!

Diets are for Jerks

That's right. The word "diet" conjures up images of grapefruit squeezing, near-manic hustling on the treadmill, and meals consisting of one cherry tomato and cottage cheese. The word diet even brings along with it, images of intensely self-abusing women throwing up anything above 100 calories.

Not me. No way in hell.

Diets are for jerks. Diets are, in my opinion, our version of a 'quick fix' rather than what the word was intended to mean - what you eat. You can have a healthy diet or an unhealthy diet, but instead, the word diet equals starvation mode in my emotional brain center.

After a few tough months of embarking on a new, healthy approach to living, I've decided to shift this blog over as a way not to only share the ups and downs of my own weight-loss and health journey, but to also hold myself accountable. After a month or two of posting my weight-loss achievements (no matter how tiny) on Facebook, I've decided I needed a way to express my personal journey to becoming healthier, even if the expression is just that - to myself.
Writing it out is far better than rolling the trials and tribulations around in my head. After all, I'm still a woman and I'm still a woman at war with a sometimes wavering self-image.

This shift is designed to be informative, but most importantly to help me identify cracks in the system and to encourage others to communicate with one another about their own struggles or fitness goals. I'm not here to talk about diets. I'm here to talk about living healthfully - to make decisions in nutrition and exercise that will lead to a better kick-ass version of myself. It's going to get funny and sarcastic and emotional around here, but I have had to find a way to check myself against temptation and to finally, FINALLY, make up for some serious time lost to unnecessary indulgences.

Disclaimer - I'm no expert. I only know what works for me half the time, but I will say, if you choose to read this, you know you better than I'll ever know you. Take that into consideration. If nothing else, I hope you can relate and I hope you can deal with a bare-bones blog because I work full time; I have a family and friends; and I have community commitments that won't go away anytime soon. That said, enjoy.

This ship is turning around, so-to-speak, in a very Titanic-trying-to-evade-the-iceberg kind of way (aka - super duper slowly).

Before heading right down into the details of what's going in this girl's fitness orbit, you should know the following:

*I was once nearly 40 pounds heavier than I am now. I know what it's like to be fat, to be constantly uncomfortable, and to live on an out-of-a-box (see: Ramen, Hamburger Helper, Kraft) diet.

*I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. More on this later. Basically, it's code for slow metabolism and various other annoyances that often can thwart weight loss and energy.

*I have a goal of 20-30 pounds to lose to be in what I consider a healthy weight zone (based on BMI). Some will tell you I am my right size now. Trust me, I like the me I am, visually. But! Things can certainly improve.

*I'm learning to run. Emphasis on learning. I'm running my first 4 mile race in September. The Couch to 5K works.

*I don't follow any one diet prescription and I won't. I try to eat healthfully while understanding that sugar and basic carbohydrates make me sick and instantly gain weight. Ultimately, I try to eat what occurs naturally, but that is definitely difficult to do. I often fall off the wagon. Some would call my approach "low carb" or "Atkins friendly." That is not entirely inaccurate.

*I'm attempting to strike a balance between exercise, confident body image, nutrition, and weight-loss. This blog will serve as my check-in post.

Welcome.

In Transition

Recently, I found myself browsing the web for interesting blogs and I realized I hadn't returned to MM since Grilled Cheese Month! After reading several motivating blogs about cities, food, nutrition, travel, education, and more, I returned to MM only to think: "Wow, my blog is well...BORING."

For a super cool blog, check out: http://losingweightinthecity.com/
Theodora is quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers.

Admittedly, I'm not an HTML guru (far from it) and I certainly don't have what I'd call a finger on the pulse of emerging technology (My Twitter is way boring). So, I began playing around with Blogger's templates (of course) and am in the process of changing things up a bit here. I've also toyed with shutting down MM permanently and starting over fresh, someplace else, but I can't seem to bring myself to do that - yet.

That said, it's time for change. This is significant because not only do I feel that this blog is way overdue for a makeover, I, too, am in serious need of a makeover. So perhaps, together, MM and I will evolve a bit more over the next few months. :-)

I realize that for the time being, a "grape" template is a bit generic, but my rationale is "Hey, I like grapes," so I'm going with it for now. Grapes make jelly and wine, so to me, this makes sense.

Stay tuned...

April is National Grilled Cheese Month!

I was browsing around Facebook this morning and to my complete and utterly happy surprise, an acquaintance posted that April is National Grilled Cheese Month!

Sometimes the simplest things get me all excited. After enduring what has been a six month long winter here in Indiana, I can honestly say that one of few comforts available to us is THE GRILLED CHEESE.

As a kid, my mom always served us grilled cheese sandwiches with Campbell's Tomato Soup. Classic. Simple. No need for alterations. Exquisite deliciousness if you ask me. That said, as I've grown up, I've discovered all kinds of ways to make grilled cheese gourmet.

See the following link for tips and ideas regarding this delectable sour day snack:
http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/04/april-is-national-grilled-cheese-month.html

Now, as someone who is CONSTANTLY managing or struggling with weight loss, the grilled cheese is not necessarily the healthiest food in the world, but it's certainly worth celebrating. Add some veggies and healthier bread (see high fiber, high protein) and you're golden.
Ah, golden like a grilled cheese.

And though I like to wax poetic on everything that vexes me in the world, it's important to focus on life's simple treats. The grilled cheese is a nostalgic one, one that makes me feel like a kid again, even if it's dolled up and served in the best of restaurants. Nurturing one's inner child can always be a productive exercise, I think. ;-)

So many of us - we get bogged down by all of Life's blows. Stress has become the "norm" and a "way of life" for most of us and it's crucial to remember little bits and pieces that bring us inner peace and comfort. For some of us, it's a favorite food, a book, a friendly chat, a nice day,...and so on.

Simple pleasures. There exists nothing like them.
Here are a few of mine:

*A great book
*A strong, hot cup of black coffee (maybe a bit of whipped cream on top)
*A gourmet grilled cheese with veggies and a hot cup of soup
*A great work out
*A reciprocating, genuine long chat with a good friend
*Cuddling
*Writing
*Sitting outside, enjoying the weather
*A great song
*Driving the car with the windows down
*The first flowers coming up during the spring (see tulips, daffodils, lilacs)

I could go on and on...
Today's assigment: think about the little, splendid things in your life that bring you joy - not the big ones. We all have those.
Think about those things today as you embark to conquer Life's frustrations, barriers, and challenges.

It's Grilled Cheese Month.
Can I get a "Hell yeah!?"

A Few Things No One Told Me About Specifically...

This one's about life lessons. I suppose most of my blog posts are, but this one is probably a little more therapeutic for me.

There are a lot of little lessons here and there that I've stumbled upon during my journey into adulthood. At the time, typically when I'm at my most pissed off or disappointed, I lament no one having warned me earlier in life. Call it a bit of a tantrum if you will. A few of my closest friends and loved ones will tell you, I'm still very capable of throwing fits.

When we're children, we look to our parents, friends, family members, community role models, well, most adults really, for guidance and direction. We take cues from them as to how we should behave and treat others. We look to them for wisdom, experience, and ultimately, expertise in all things foreign and unfamiliar. As I look back on the first 31 1/2 years of my life (*gasp!*), I can honestly say we talked little of the following obstacles, in these terms anyway, and because of how those experiences changed and shaped my life today, I'm grateful...

1. Your period really is as bad as everyone says.
The only information I received regarding menstruation was through the wisdom of Judy Bloom and one very nervous health aid who gave a 5th grade demonstration about maxi pads from the early 60s. They may have been antiques, I don't know, but I'd never seen a BELT before and to this day, am not sure what that contraption was supposed to do.

I didn't get mine until nearly three years after those two mini-interventions. My first cramps sent me to the nurse's office and I was certain I was dying of some illness I could have picked up from traipsing around the woods with our ecology class. (Must have been the Jack-in-the-Pulpits.)

I don't mean to dwell on this one, but men, if your lady is having a "time," be sympathetic. It's often as bad as they describe. They call us the stronger sex for a reason. ;-)

2. You can be anything you want to be.
I struggle with this one because I want everyone I know to achieve their dreams and attain their goals. But, not everyone is in tune enough with his/her talents and desires to find the best path. When I was in 7th grade, I wanted to play basketball. I had practiced and had been on the 5th and 6th grade teams. My coach the previous season told my mother, "Dana just doesn't have any hand-eye coordination," but I tried out nonetheless.

I was crushed when I got cut. I was even sadder when I realized that I was cut for not only my lack of skills, but because I had to go so another person could play. I cried a lot. I felt like a loser.

Then, I took that desire to play ball a bit further. 1) I did TOO have hand-eye coordination and I did TOO have a chance. I made the track team and later, set nearly seven records for my high school softball team.

You can't necessarily be anything, but you can become pretty damn good at something in the same family of that one thing you love.
I still play softball and run.

3. These are the best days of your life.
High school is certainly NOT the best time of your life. I had a pretty good high school experience, but had I tried to cram in all of my interests into four years, I'd have peaked by 18. High school is stepping stone. It's the place to hone in on your skills, develop interests, and form those into a career path. It's a time for friendships that ebb and flow with the social climate and a time to build a transcript so you can go to a really really good college and start having FUN.

High school is not the place to slack off, no matter what they tell you. Sure, most high school stuff is too easy (pun intended), but it's the place to start forming a backbone so you can ultimately become You.

Better days come later.

4. All men are pigs.
This isn't true either. Most men lead with both heads.
The ones who don't...worry.
(and that goes for both)

5. Some people are pigs.
In grade school, college, careers, and on through life, you'll encounter people who hurt you, piss you off, take you for granted, and are ultimately the boils on the butt of humanity. How you handle them is what matters. Always stay true to your instincts and values and always treat others as you'd like to be treated.

There will always be haters.
And their lives will suck more than yours.
Take it in stride.

6. You should drive a shitty car at least once.
No one told me I should like my 1984 Ford LTD. No one told me to appreciate the white walls, the red velvet cake interior, the rear wheel drive, and the fact that it was a tank, blockading me off from anything around it.

It was only when I crashed into a minivan, flipping that van completely over, that I appreciated that old land yacht. Had it not had an incredibly lengthy schnoz, my legs would have been broken. Having to drive a POS at some point in your life, builds character and brings you to appreciate the cars you own later in life.
Thank you, Dad. I seriously did NOT hit that van on purpose, totaling the LTD. I SWEAR!

7. Love will hurt sometimes.
I got a lot of advice and insight from my parents, but neither instructed me on the powers of love. Perhaps they were protecting me or perhaps they wanted me to burn my own path. At the end of the day, I'm glad they didn't skew the truths for me nor paint an unrealistic picture.

I fell in love a few times. I got hurt a few times.
I hurt a few guys a long the way.
I fell for some stupid lines and I passed up a few good ones.
As the journey continued, each scar became one more piece of the map.
You have to know pain to really appreciate pleasure.

(*We're talking emotional stuff here, people. If a man/woman slaps you around, get the F outta there.)

8. Do Unto Others...
Despite my upbringing, I've learned that not everyone cares. Most people don't. You can give and give and give until it hurts or until it leaves you dry, but if no one gives back, walk away. Reciprocity is so important for healthy relationships. There is a lot of joy in giving. There's a lot of stupidity in letting someone continue to take advantage of you.

Love unconditionally. That's fine.
Just don't be a sucker.

9. Looks don't matter.
I wish this one was true. I always received pretty positive reinforcement as a kid, but wow if the world isn't cruel. We are shown in the media that to be beautiful we need to look young, be thin, be sexy, be everything that Barbie was and then some. Rejection based upon looks is a toughie, because at our core, we can be the nicest, smartest, most wonderful person and people will still judge based upon whether or not we can wear a single-digit size or have clear skin.

Again, how you handle judgment and being passed over for someone with a little more physical chutzpa is the lesson here. At the end of the day, you have to love yourself. Everyone else can go to hell. The world isn't perfect. No one is perfect.
You don't have to be.
But some will always think it.

On the flip side, looks matter to us. We walk around comparing ourselves left and right with other men and women who have better legs, better boobs, better hair, and so on. In the process, we belittle ourselves and perpetuate the delusion that looks are everything. I confess, I have a hard time not comparing myself with other women who I feel are more attractive than I am. I've wasted a lot of time envying others when I could have been celebrating my own assets.

Looks do matter, but they should only matter as one facet of the comprehensive healthy person.

10. Tattoos mean you're a lazy sumbitch.
I had to include this one. I have a super conservative social circle (with the exception of a few key players). Growing up, tattoos were the mark of laziness and weirdness, right up there next to long hair on men and piercings. When I turned 28, I wanted a tattoo. I had spent a year picking it out and deciding what fit my life in that moment. I wanted something to "center" me and to reflect on who I was and who I was becoming.
I chose the Celtic Tree of Life.
A friend tattooed the tree on my neck. I reasoned, it was centered and it was in a place that shouldn't (note - shouldn't) stretch too much or get too fat. I also strategically had it placed underneath my long hair.

I then spent the next year hiding it from my mother, father, and family members.
Two lessons here: I'm an incredibly hard worker. The tattoo didn't change that.
And two, you should never hide what makes you, you.
I've never regretted this tattoo.

11. You have to have children in your 20s.
This is an unspoken rule in the Midwest. Some will go so far as to make babies BEFORE they're in their 20s.
Lesson learned though: if you're not mature enough to take care of yourself, then you're not mature enough to be a parent. Proceed with caution.
Women will sometimes condescend on other women who don't have children. I recently heard, "You're gonna be an OLD parent!!!"
I still don't know what's wrong with that.
I love children. I just have to take care of a few other things first.

12. Things are not always as they seem.
Sometimes a jerk really is a jerk. I once knew a guy who took advantage of everyone he knew. He openly claimed he was an asshole and a jerk and before he left the state, I came to agree with him. Some people are nasty people and the real ones know it and say it.

13. Some relationships put the FUN in DYSFUNCTIONAL.
I'm going to end on this one. I wish I had had a dollar for every time someone told me to give up on a friend or person who, paired with me, made for a bad combination. And at times, they were right. However, had it not been for all of those awkward, uncomfortable, and downright unpleasant times, I'd have never learned the difference between a bad relationship and a healthy one.

I have a best friend who most people think treats me like crap. And yeah, sometimes she really does, but we go back years and we've perfected a snarky, condescending-ish friendship over years of treating each other like sisters instead of friends.
Despite her razor sharp remarks, that girl would be the first one to rush in when I was in danger. There are points for that.
Real points.
Ask yourself how many friends you have who would jump in first, and ask questions later?

I don't mean you should nurture horrible relationships or abusive ones, but know the difference. Give and take. It all depends on the level where you and that person or persons can really thrive.
Be a good friend and you'll attract others.
Be a taker or an epic fail at friendship...well then I just don't get you at all.


I never really got into it with my role models during my childhood. All of my influences (family, friends) provided me with strength and endurance, but the above topics were ones we talked little or not at all about. And for that, I'm still thankful.
Otherwise, I'd have never learned a thing.