My Love Affair with Ranch Dressing: A Fat Story

Let's begin simply: I am not a skinny person.
I am not exactly a fat person.
I am a sort-of healthy person, with a passion for working out and a sincere interest in diet and nutrition.
I am about thirty pounds overweight, per the Body Mass Index (BMI).
Nearly all of my female friends are skinnier than I am. Nearly all of my female family members are skinnier than I am.
I am built like a cross between an athlete and Marilyn Monroe.
I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis (hypothyroidism) and this means my metabolic system runs like a dial-up modem.

In short, I'm an average, American woman, wearing the average American clothing size: 10/12.
To be clear, it is my dream to wear a single digit pant size and to be a healthy, fit, and attractive person all of my living days.

There's a catch though.
I am entangled in a love affair with Ranch dressing.

It began very early in life. My parents bought Hidden Valley Ranch and this was served with our salad at dinner. My mom served a garden salad with nearly every meal (which is a great thing by the way) and like every kid, my sister and I preferred the flavor of Ranch over anything we deemed weird (like Thousand Island or Raspberry Vinaigrette). We simply didn't try those. (Okay, I tried Thousand Island once on a Big Mac. The texture gives me the willies, just like sunflower seeds or mandarin oranges on a salad give me the willies.)

Later, I found myself ordering Ranch dressing when we went out to eat. Back when McDonald's served chef salads, I used to insist on those with Ranch dressing rather than a kids' meal. At the time, it annoyed my mom - those big ol' salads were expensive compared to burgers and fries - but I became hooked on the big entree salad at a young age regardless.

In high school and college - Ranch went with all raw vegetables. It's just how it was. In college, Ranch dressing became a base for my tri-color pasta salad. Post-college, my then-boyfriend inspired one of the worst Ranch offenses of all: French Fries dipped in Ranch dressing. Hot wings weren't far behind.

For thirty-some years, Ranch dressing has been a staple in my diet. I once watched an MTV reality show featuring three individuals who were dramatically overweight. In the show, there's a clip of a woman on a date and during the date, she pulls a bottle of Ranch dressing out of her purse, to use for her fries and chicken. Her date makes fun of her. She laughs. She likes it. This is how she rolls.
I remember laughing at the segment, thinking "that's not me, at least" and letting the thought pass.

Speed up to present day. I've been planted in this body frame and this pant size for damn near ten years now (save those two years when my weight ballooned up to nearly 200 pounds). Like I said, I'm not a fat person, but one thing I've noticed as I've incorporated exercise and healthier eating into my lifestyle, is that Ranch dressing seems to creep into the menu way too frequently.

According to My-Calorie-Counter.com, traditional Ranch dressing contains 146 calories per serving, 144 of them from fat. It contains 2 grams of carbohydrates (which is awesome from an Atkins perspective). It also contains 354 grams of sodium per serving.

Guess what a serving is???
Give up?

Two tablespoons.

In the past six months, I've been watching my weight and working out. I use the calorie counter to keep me in check. I've noticed how often I've had to check my calories against those found in the dressing. Let's face it. Restaurants don't serve "2 tablespoons" of dressing. They serve soup cups of dressing. You're looking at over 700 calories at this point, oftentimes nearly 1000! If you're a 2000 calorie a day dieter, you're lucky. For people like me who are supposed to stay in the 1300-1800/day range, this is a kiss of death.

Lately, I've been whining and moaning that I can't lose weight. I'm eating salad! I'm eating lean protein! I'm working out!
And I'm scarfing down Ranch dressing in a way comparable to rat with a giant wheel of cheese. Sure, I love to eat entree salads specifically the ones from Henry's on Main St., but I have to face the music, I can't destroy my efforts by ladling Ranch dressing all over my veggies.
It's made a three month plateau feel like a life sentence.

So today, I'm breaking up with Ranch. We've had a lot of great times and I'll be tempted again, I'm sure, but I've got to see if this is the blockade wrecking my efforts.
It's not that I want to be skinny; I want to be healthy.
I want to be physically fit.

A little girl called me "slender" yesterday. I beamed like crazy all afternoon because of it. I can't allow Marzetti, Hidden Valley, and Kraft ruin this for me.
For someone who doesn't eat fast food much anymore and who is that interested in a healthy frame/weight, it seems crazy to continue with this destructive relationship.

Adios, Ranch.

And as I approach this new world, one filled with more olive oil and vinaigrette, I have some other culprits to confront:

Pizza (Because, let's face it, I don't eat the healthy kind yet.)
Salty snacks (I have been known to eat nearly all Doritos at any given party. Cool Ranch anyone?)
French Fries (I am not sure I can be trusted with them near my plate.)
Nachos (My equivalent for weakness in molten, cheesy form.)

I'm a savory person at heart and Ranch was one nasty element in that equation, but that formula is breaking my stride, slowing me down, and making my goal that much more difficult to attain.
I'm hoping my friends and family can hold me accountable.

Breaking up, after all, is very hard to do.