Familiar Rant: What is with Women & Public Bathrooms!?

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times...

Women are gross.

Rather - they can be and prove to be on a regular basis, particularly when it comes to public restrooms.

I simply don't get it. We stand together, united in misery, as we endure long lines at ballgames, malls, museums, concerts, bars, etc...all complaining in unison about the wait and ultimately the disgusting condition of the bathroom once we 'get in.'

And yet, we do this to ourselves.
Note - not every single woman does or has the propensity to destroy a public bathroom, but frankly, enough of us are doing it that it's just plain ruining the experience for everyone - to the point where we're spending the entire time nose-plugging and delicately attempting to avoid skin-to-surface contact with damn near everything.

I've witnessed it first-hand and it's not always who you'd think it'd be.

About a year or so ago, I went to Snickerz Comedy Club in Fort Wayne with friends. While waiting in line to use the bathroom with about twenty other lady hopefuls, I watched as two well-dressed (think evening wear) and well-coiffed women exited their stalls and began to wash their hands in the sink.
Get this- rather than using the paper towels readily available near the sink (or maybe it was an air dryer), these two holier-than-thou fashionistas stood together, in front of all of us, and playfully made a show out of shaking their wet hands all over the sink, the mirror, the counter, etc.

What in the barbarity is that all about!? Why does anyone think that's okay!?

Now, when you wonder how any woman can get water and soap ALL OVER EVERYTHING so that there isn't a clean surface on which to set your purse, well blame it on these two. They make a sport of making a GD mess - laughing and flinging their filth water all over the place. And may I also add, that Snickerz is an over-21 club and these two exceeded my age (judging by wrinkle to style ratio) by about ten years!
(Sigh - I'm nearly 30 years old now.)

So there's answer number one. Some women think it's actually okay to splash everywhere despite being of mature age and competence. Think kindergarten in stilettos.

Secondly, WHAT IS WITH THE WAY SOME WOMEN USE THE BATHROOM!?
I want to know how in the world women can well, do their business, everywhere but in the toilet.
I hate using our office bathroom where it takes me anywhere from one to five attempts at a stall to find one remotely sanitary enough to use.
Women miss the waste basket placed especially there for their delicate use; miss the 'hole' where, I'm sorry, even in 'hovercraft mode,' you can still do it; or just plain leave their stench or mess for the next person.
Note - if it doesn't go down on the first kick to the flush handle, DO IT AGAIN!

Hovering is difficult a task enough and it's far worse to do so fearing a weakening calf muscle and plummeting in horror onto the excrement below. I mean, what happens if one actually does fall!? *Shudder.

And seat covers? Yeah right, that's good for a stray hair or two (which I don't get at all, but whatever), but does a lady really want that foulness seeping through the paper onto her rear?! NO!!!!

Seriously. I hate to be crass and rather open about this topic, but frankly, it's got to stop! If every woman took care to clean up after herself and by default, any of her children, then these bathrooms wouldn't be the modern day equivelant to an outhouse.

Or worse.

As Susan Powter once screamed, STOP THE INSANITY!

It's bad enough that we ladies have the eternal 'tough love' when it comes to bathroom-related procedures and by making a stanky, barbaric mess we only compound the natural issue it already is. (I mean, the divine powers did dictate that we sit rather than...!? Well?!)

I don't get it. I don't get bad manners in public in general, especially restroom behavior, and I certainly don't understand poor hygiene. I almost feel a sense of maternal responsibility when I observe women defaming the public bathroom. If we're truly the more feminine and delicate sex, then ACT LIKE IT dammit.
Quit flinging bodily whatevers around and throwing trash on the floor. Quit stuffing feminine hygiene products where they certainly don't belong (who is doing this!?) and masterfuly wash your hands, in WARM to HOT water!
Carry sanitary wipes in the event that the sink is a disaster as a back up plan so you can keep from infecting the world with the dissentary.

To add - to the woman (women) who keep feeling it's appropriate to bathe yourself in cologne or perfume in the bathroom - Just Don't.
We don't all like your scent and honestly, hosing down in Clinique Happy amidst the stench, well it just complicates an already torturous experience.

*Eyes water, tears emerge.

So, stop. Right where you are. Wash your hands. (I've seen some of you escape and return to work without doing this and yeah that's right, I sent my salad back because of it.)
Throw the diaper in the garbage can, NOT on the floor behind the toilet.
Sanitize the diaper changing station or hell, go do it in your car because we both know it's cleaner.
That is, if you can.
Flush 'til the water runs clean again. (Some gas station bathrooms, well...you do what you can.)
Wash your hands and gently shake them dry in the sink before drying them.
Maybe even try wiping up your own mess if you miss the sink.

Keep your purse on your shoulder if possible. Or hold it between your knees. Ever see that 20/20 about how much grime and bacteria live on the bottom of your clutch? Yep. True.

Flush the toilet seat cover or throw it away. I DON'T WANT YOURS.

Well, this is where I stop, because now I'm getting all worked up and realizing that my break is coming...and the bathroom here progressively growing stinky as the day goes on.

Ladies, act like the women we are designed to be or don't go at all. Hold it 'til your home or regress to potty training. I've seen toddlers handle the bathroom a lot better than you do!

Happy cleansing.