On Turning 30 Part II: The Adolescent Part

I suppose when you become 30 years-old, you're officially embarking on "middle aged." I'm not so sure about that. I think if this is true, then where do all the 'mid-life crises' come from or why do people like me still get acne? To me, I think turning 30 years-old is the equivalent to being back in middle school or embracing yet one more of life's adolescent, pubescent stages. You're faced with the merging together of a young past and an impending older age phase where you have to start considering the value of your 401K and if you're super fortunate like I am, AARP already has you on their mailing list. Talk about the compression of two reality checks!

First of all, people turning 30 are starting to realize that 'the party's over.' It's not nearly as cool to dress up like a skank and troll the bars until 4 am. Now when you hit the club, you're the old marm sitting at the bar and not the one getting your swerve on on the dance floor. And really, the bars you like are now the seedier, quieter ones where you can hear a good band, talk to your closest friends and wear comfortable clothes, even if it does feel a little like 'don't touch me armor.'

And let's face it, you're now a beer snob. Or a wine snob. Or a whiskey snob. Keystone and Ice House don't taste like they used to (did they ever taste at all?) and you're well past drinking an un-reciped concoction out of garbage can - who cares if Harry Buff brought the stuff? Boxed wine and Boon's Farm is now a perpetual joke and you can rib-poke your buddies laughing about how you used to drink Mad Dog 20/20 and how at one time it was 'good sh*t.' (No, it never was either.)

Instead you're sipping cabernet from a real wine glass (not a plastic one) or full flavored import out of the bottle because it tastes much better than what comes in the can.

And when I say the party's over, I don't mean the 30-somethings don't have fun, but we all understand the value of sleep now. Staying up all night or getting less than four hours of sleep is no longer possible. It yields a late shift or a sick day, or if everyone is unfortunate, your day to make others miserable at the office.
Eye bags can't be helped at this point and no amount of 'roid cream can tame them. Without your 6-8 hours, you're puffy, raggedy, and a real nasty ass to be around. It's that simple. So if you care about your family, friends, peers, colleagues...you try to 'call it' before midnight when possible.

Your body is kicking into a new gear right along side the party changes too and this is where it gets super complicated. For women, if we have kids, we have resigned ourselves to perpetually hating what that birth process put there forever, be it chunk in the trunk, or cellulite or a fat pack. Whatever. The cool thing about this change in life is that you have your children and can transition from body-image beast to doting mother.
(No seriously, I think this is how it should be if that's your case.)

Those of us without children, yet have the scars, the fat pack, the cellulite, the extra 20, well...we're just plain pissed because we earned it the selfish way. Or the lazy way. And it's more frustrating because those starvation diets that worked ten years ago don't apply now because your biological core has said, 'time's up for crazy fad crap. You lifestyle change or it's over - double digit sizes for good.'

And for women, the whole experience is compounded by the merging of biological phases and both aren't quite ready to give up yet. For instance, this is the time for hag hairs and dark circles, even the beginning of forehead wrinkles and yet you still fight acne, brush oily hair, and have to shave your legs. (unless you're a man and just don't need to do those things) :) And to make matters worse, your reproductive cycle is now out of whack and you're going through what every man went through back in high school when it comes to sex. How this transitions to cougar status, I don't know yet.

How are we supposed to feel? Men have their own issues, I'm sure. I just know the woman part a bit more intimately.

And if you're a woman, this clashing and thrashing of physiological and social changes makes you a walking, talking bomb of emotion. You need only light a match in a thirty mile radius and it's 'go time.' Suddenly, the littlest incidents and matters become cataclysmic and wait for it, you make irrational the newest fashion state.

It's the battle that will wage over the next 20 years, "I'm too young to be old, but I'm too old to be young" phase. We near-30s can't really hang with the young 20s and fit in yet we're not ready for 4 pm dinners and if you're a professional, you're not gonna be the CEO yet.

If you're in college, you're positioned in what I consider tantamount to that "I have no desire to talk in class so I'm going to pretend to take notes to fit in" part. You revert from the enthusiasm of discussion or ass-clowning that made you popular before and really, you're not ready to tap out yet either. However, your position in life has forced you to become a part of not one, but two generations and you have very little bandwidth for hearing at all, let alone making class lectures a priority.
You're too busy balancing your work load, children, and social life. The rest of your time is spent worrying about the former three along with your physical and emotional state which you constantly have to check against what everyone else is doing.

Unless you're 30 year-old expert. And if you are, call me.

The 30s and near-30s are smack dab in that crevice that separates the family people from the professional people and the 'both people' really don't weigh in until 35 when all the emotional crap is starting to subside and the path has been somewhat smoothed by those who fell before them.
(Note - this is my unchecked, unsolicited perception, nothing more.) :)

I gotta say, this whole turning 30 thing scares me to death. I have the emotional tolerance I had at 15 or 16 and yet, I have the responsibilities of a 40something. I feel like I'm perpetually playing dress-up and can't really find a costume or outfit that fits perfectly. It's reminiscent of those days in middle school when I still wasn't quite sure I was a girl until someone smacked me on the behind or whistled in my direction. At the time, I was still considering tomboy as a lifestyle which by the way, isn't the decision I made.

And I'm glad for that.

Turning 30 is a rocky time. You start questioning your decisions and yet you challenge every decision and option you had up to this point. It's the pivot point on the see-saw, your second shot at puberty. And you better make up your mind before you wake up and it's 40. (Ladies, that's the last biological tick time by the way.)

I have to tell you, honestly, I didn't think turning 30 would be a big deal for me. I can laugh about a lot of the indecisive, push-pull situations I encounter as I age, but I have found that it affects me a lot more than I'd like it to affect me. Conversations about children and careers and home life take on a heightened meaning, but that heightened state doesn't make much sense yet. I find myself questioning every decision I make, even the right ones. (Do I eat the rest of the M&Ms? Yes or no....NO.) :)
And I've started re-evaluating how people perceive me, if I am giving off the right vibes or the best impression. I've become suddenly introverted and quiet where I used to be more of a live-wire. Hmmm...

My goodness, when is it really okay not to care what other people think?! Ha ha.

And so I'm hoping that as my 30th approaches, that I'll get some of this figured out. Maybe figure out where I'm headed in a grander scheme, not just "after work, then yoga, then dinner, then study,..." and so on.

I'm at the place where the To Do list has to expand and yet, I'm not ready to change my insurance policies or buy a Buick. :) I also don't want to watch The Hills or Twitter much either. Hmmm...wait, stop...what lies between?

To me, it seems a bit of a chasm awaiting fodder for fun, discussion, and memories. And most of us are just poised to make it happen.
:)