The Lunch Room's Back: Adult e-Drama

When I was in middle school, finding a place to sit during the lunch hour was the most socially awkward and difficult task during the first week of classes. As a sixth grader, I realized quickly that my elementary school pals were in different lunch periods and when gaping at a room predominantly mixed with older schoolmates, trying to find a familiar face and in turn, a seat, was a challenge.


Back then, I was five foot going on gangly and equipped with a full mouth of silver braces. I had bangs, bad clothes, and a backpack full of books that I was afraid I wouldn't have time between classes to leave behind in a locker. I was relieved when a table of seventh graders took mercy on me and beckoned me over.

These girls became my lunch pals for a semester and allowed me to adapt in a sea of unfamiliarity so that later, when I was in eighth grade, I could return the favor to another pal in good faith knowing that this positive cycle of friendship and acceptance could indeed, transcend all the nasty that can be junior high. (Mind you, this was the early 1990s so this particular breed of nasty is somewhat nostalgic.)

So forgive me if I grew up thinking one good turn deserves another. My ideological and romanticized interpretation of 'do unto others' is perhaps not the norm in today's instant gratification society (I waited 2 1/2 full years to return the favor!? What?!), but I have to say that as an adult, nothing can quite prepare you for eDrama.

The Internet, via social networking sites, has become an adult's virtual playground in which he or she can reenact being a bully, a puss, or a wallflower from middle school. We don't have the luxury of class times and teachers and principals with paddles long ago embossed and framed (when capital punishment officially died), to reign us in - keep us off each other. Can't slap your coworker or your friend for something nasty in person? Hit 'em on Myspace. Discredit them on Facebook. Blog about it. Hate a bit a more? Submit an Urban Dictionary definition just in case they ever want to date again.

Pissed because someone's more popular than you are? E-stalk them on Facebook and dig anything you can to obliterate them at work, in school, at parties, in church,...you name it. Because my goodness, someone's 'e-mood' certainly confirms what he or she is thinking second-to-second. (Hello - We have Twitter for that!)

It's bad enough that employers and potential employers plow the social networking sites, eliminating the 'chaff' from their stacks of resumes, but it's far worse to watch adults abuse one another in such a passive-aggressive manner when a simple "let's talk about it" would suffice.

Couples over-analyze daily status reports in hopes of catching one another in some misdemeanor in the relationship. Friends backbite one another and de-friend and befriend each other as the seasons change. Have an ethical issue you want to challenge your coworker about? Blog the hell out of their Facebook wall when you see political commentary. It's Facebook afterall, you can "like" anything you like and "delete" whatever you don't. Right?

Wrong. Some of these antics online are akin to shoving someone off the balance beam or giving someone a wedgie. All relegate you, as a person, to what we called at Carlin Park Elementary, "the bad box."

Have an issue with someone at church? Why tell them?! Read their Facebook or Myspace long enough and you'll achieve fodder to obtain their excommunication - get 'em thrown down from the pulpit, by God. Want to have someone excused from a committee? Look at their Myspace photos and pray for drunk ones.

It's all juvenile and pre-pubescent activity to me. And it's hilarious. Hysterical actually.
Daddy no longer needs to buy a BMW Z3 at 55 years-old, he can just get Facebook and troll the web for $75,000 less. He can spend the extra cash on a new head of hair or calf implants. (Though I beg him to take caution when the country finally, FINALLY, moves away from dial up and gets high speed. Mama's gonna have a laptop too.) They will eventually duke it out by whether or not they post "married" on their profiles.

Want to spy on your kids? A host of parents are now trolling the Internet to catch their children in the proverbial "act" all the time. (note - I think some of this is okay, frankly. It's a jungle out there!)

Not a bully by nature? Social networking sites are perfect for being a victim too! You can spend hours reading into Facebook posts hoping or thinking they're about you. You watch as two people converse and leave you out of the cyber conversation. Better yet, read into a survey your friend writes and see if the "Who's your best friend?" answer doesn't read YOU.
It's easy to hate the world when your view exists only between your seat and the 19 inches in front of you.
(computer screen, hello!)

And I have to laugh, because I've fallen into this before a few times and though I'm incredulous about how social networking has in many ways, replaced the phone, replaced email, replaced sharing in person, I see how it gets popular.
It recreates grade school for those of us who didn't quite survive it unscathed or without a few bridges left to burn.

When I was in fifth grade, someone shoved me off the balance beam. I fell off, arching wildly, slapping my back on the beam before hitting the ground in a heap. At the time, a few kids stood by and watched as I struggled to breathe before a recess monitor rushed to ensure I lived. I think today, I'll post on Facebook: "Dana Barrett got shoved of the balance beam."

Wonder how many will respond with "I like this."

Guess we're all still working on growing up a little...

:)