Hooray!!!! Fort 4 Fitness Success story

Hooray for goals accomplished! This is my running buddy, Nicole, and I just after finishing our first four-mile race. See how red and happy we are?!

We have been working hard for the past year to finally be able to participate in a run like Fort 4 Fitness and here we are, beaming from having accomplished our goals!

We did pretty well for our first time and for not having a consistent running schedule over the past few weeks. Nicole kicked some serious tail with a 41 minute four mile.


I came in shortly behind at 45 minutes. Goals?
1) Don't die. DIDN'T. :-)
2) Run the whole thing. DID!
3) Don't take an hour. Hello?! I said 45 minutes (approx. 11.2 min/mile)
4) Have fun! Totally did.

Were we nervous before the race? Hell yeah! But we were super pumped to have gotten this far and the race was really really cool. There were over 9500 participants!



My results:

	bib number: 3336 age: 31 gender: F location: Fort Wayne, IN overall place: 695 out of 2838 division place: 84 out of 306 gender place: 357 out of 1983 time: 45:19 pace: 11:20

I have to say, this was a lot different than running around our neighborhood, where we know every crack in the pavement, every sewer drain. This run was awesome because at each street, there were people cheering and music and people just partying along the sidelines wishing us well. Now I know why people run in these things.
It's FUN.

Now that Fort 4 Fitness is over, we're prepping to run in a Thanksgiving Day race. It's time to jot down some new goals. For me, it's creating a better, more frequent running schedule and improving pace and distance. That coupled with toning up and shaving off a few pounds (not a lot, but some). I have a new ensemble in my closet as motivation.

With our first race completed, it's time to take what we know to the next level and really get our groove on!

Jitters and Rockin' that Bod

Tomorrow is the first, official race I've ever participated in. Ever. And it's really not that big of a deal. It's a four mile run/walk. (See: I can WALK if I want to!) But! I'm not. And I'm a bundle of nerves.

Never mind that I've been running for quite some time now and I've hit four miles (w/o walking) several times before. But! I haven't a clue what to expect. Forget all those running blogs I've been reading and the materials I've gotten in the mail. Somewhere between my rational brain and my irrational brain (I have two) this sends a signal that reads very simply - GET NERVOUS. BE NERVOUS. ALL DAY.

Funny, the nerves aren't really about the running; it's about not having done this before. This should be seen (rational brain) as EXCITING and WHOO HOO WE MADE IT; nope. Nervy. Terribly terribly nervy.

Here's what the irrational brain is transmitting:

1. Dana falls on face at the starting line. Everyone laughs.
2. Dana's left foot decides "F U. Not running. No way." (see number 1)
3. Dana pees pants.
4. Dana has a brain malfunction and can't follow directions. Runs someplace else - goes wrong way - gets lost.
5. Dana gets attacked by random grizzly bear during mile three.
6. Dana too deaf to hear starting sounds, warning sounds, any sounds; misses race/important signals/doesn't hear alarm clock at the break of dawn.
7. Dana falls in big pit of mud/gunk/sand/concrete/jello. Whatever. Big pit she shouldn't fall in.
8. Dana shows up to race naked and doesn't know it. Everyone laughs. (see number 1)
9. Dana wears inappropriate layers - burns to death in sudden heat wave.
10. Dana comes in last, bleeding from the mouth and eyes having done 1-9 somehow in succession and again, everyone laughs.

(Now I'm laughing.) :-)

Funny what the brain does, isn't it?
The rational brain?

Says: "You got this. This is fun. Remember?"

Thought you'd like to read that for kicks and maybe I'm not the only one who is treating this first, though mild, experience like the first day of high school.
(UGH. High School.)

Which brings me to this:
Grades 9-12 should have been spent running around in skimpy clothing and showing off my great, athlete's bod. One of my old choir mates posted this photo on Facebook:

Now, if you can avoid zeroing in on the enormous, sausage-y bangs and the fact that I'm wearing no make-up whatsoever, you'll notice I'm wearing clothing at least two sizes too large for my body. See: giant khaki shorts that are size 10s when they should have been 6s and Large, body-hiding GAP sweatshirt that I kept wearing until it ripped itself apart from overuse.

Back then, I could have gone out wearing nothing but shorts and bikini top. Instead, I dressed like that!

Crazy, right? If I had my size 6 body today, I'd be running around and jumping for joy like a loon. Back then, I had it and took it for granted or hid it out of shame because it wasn't a size 2 or 0.
Seriously.

What the F is wrong with us girls sometimes?

Just like my fears and anxieties about running tomorrow's four mile are completely irrational, so was hiding my teenage body in enormous man clothing. I had nothing to worry about then, and nothing to worry about now.

I should have been more worried about those bangs!

So here I am, years later, still worrying about silly things and still wondering if there's a part of me who is going to "be like everyone else" when it's critical. And for what?
A feeling of belonging? Blending in?

Crazy.

Instead, it's time to give up the worry and just have some fun.

Transformer

This is me with my sister and best friend, Darcy. For us, becoming happier and healthier is a transformation worth smiling about. Without humor, you got nothin'.

Here's to being the best us we can be!

Sometimes, I Want to Quit

Revamping my fitness approach and trying to stay consistent with diet and exercise amidst a pretty hectic lifestyle is an incredible challenge. When things get tough, I often want to quit. I see other women in restaurants who order the large bowl of pasta and it doesn't seem to make them swell with each bite. I look at my svelte gal friends and silently envy their trimness and wonder, "with all this hard work and little result - what's the point?" I stare hopelessly in the mirror at my own frame in multiple dress styles willing myself to accept what they look like when it doesn't at all look good. I take one bad day at the office or at home and have to negotiate with myself over a M&Ms or nachos. Some days - I just wanna give the hell up.

And then I think about this photo. Sure, I'm not tiny here, but this picture represents a time when I felt and looked better than I had in ages. My waist was trim; I'd been working out; and I could wear tighter clothing without feeling like a sausage. I think about this photo and the fact that at this time, I was at my lightest weight since high school. I look at this photo and remember that weekend I spent in Nashville with my sister, who always makes me feel more beautiful and more powerful than I ever think I am. I think about my confidence at that time and how working out was fun and not an inconvenience. And I remember: there's a reason I always go back to working on my fitness.

Deep down, I like it.
It's part of me. Who I am.
I may not be Jillian Michaels, but I can't live without mindful eating and working out. I just can't and feel normal.
(or whatever normal is supposed to feel like)

Never mind that the clothing in this photo is hideous. I mean, I am wearing a Cheshire cat-looking t-shirt for crying out loud, but this photo reminds me that I work out; I try to eat right; and I get back on the wagon each time I fall off because I need this.

Working out and making healthy choices makes me feel in control, motivated, positive, and powerful. I feel confident and lighter each time I hit the pavement or avoid the bread basket at a restaurant. Sure, it may suck at the time, but the self-control and feeling of elation later at reaching a fitness goal somehow makes that bread look like nothing. It makes me more excited to put on my sneakers and run even when I'm exhausted.

Lately, I haven't been true to my diet. I've gone nearly two weeks on what I'd call a binger and I've made running a backseat passenger instead of my daily copilot. Sure, I've been nursing a sore leg/foot, but that's become an excuse too. So has the rain. So has staying up late and getting up just early enough.

In short: I've been lazy.
To be clear, I've felt like giving up because lately, I've felt like a poser. Yeah, I'm still making wise choices when I eat and I'm still working out, but there's this sick feeling each time someone asks about my healthy Facebook posts as I'm taking a bite of chocolate cake. Yeah, I have guilt.
Incorporating a few whole grain foods back into my diet has also opened the flood gates: beer, chips, fries, crackers...ugh. Just thinking about some of those choices over the past few weeks makes me angry.

My point? I'm pissed off at myself, but I'm not giving up.
I have fallen off the wagon more times than I care to admit and I'm about three months slow on getting close to a weight loss goal. I set out to lose thirty-some odd pounds. I've only lost 10.
I'm not really forcing myself the way I'd tell someone else to if they were in my shoes.

I'm not, NOT practicing what I preach.
And that's not cool.

So with this confession, I'll add some successes. These are what motivate me and these are what will get me over myself so I can push through my bad choices spell and move forward with my plan. I have a race in fourteen days and my birthday is in about two months.

It's the Little Things:

1. I've been reading health and fitness blogs like crazy to stay motivated. Without them, the binger would have been much worse.

2. I'm still tracking my calories and carbs. It hurts, but it's honest.

3. I can run four miles. More if I pushed myself harder.

4. I finally bought some nice running gear for added motivation and to invest in a lifestyle I really want.

5. I still haven't had an over 2,000 calorie day (by my amateur calculations at least)

6. My legs are awesome. I have definition and muscle where there wasn't any a year ago.

7. I have friends and loved ones who support me.

8. I have the old me to remind me every day of what I'd like to be and how far I've come.

9. I'm still willing to learn and willing to try - even when my attitude sucks.

10. I've refused to accept a poor choice at meal time and have countered it with the next day/meal.

So there you have it. Call it emotional or a confession or whatever, but I've been strugglefest-ing my way through the first part of September and I'm messing up my progress. I'm moody and frustrated and sometimes, I just feel like throwing in the towel.

But I won't.

Being healthy and fit is about me. It's the one thing in the world I get to do for myself and not for someone else. It's the investment that ensures my life does suck from my 32nd birthday onward. And even though I'm worn out, angry, and feeling a bit low, I know I have the strength in here and the motivation to kick my own ass a little - in a good way.

Immediate goals:

1. Run twice this weekend. Yes, that means getting up EARLY on Saturday/Sunday.
2. Avoid the trigger foods. I know what these are.
3. Water. Water. Water.
4. Eat.Breakfast.Every.Day. A real one. Not just peanuts or a meal replacement shake.
5. Practice what I'm preaching: eat small portions, limit indulgences, and work out like a madwoman.

When the going gets tough, I have too much riding on my long term goals to just sit back and take my own beating.

Let's go!

I "heart" my new running shoes

UPDATE:
My new running shoes - Brooks Ghost 4

I absolutely love them! The first run with them was amazing!!!

And the clothes fit perfectly too. What a rush!

Happy happy Joy joy!!!!