Diets are for Jerks

That's right. The word "diet" conjures up images of grapefruit squeezing, near-manic hustling on the treadmill, and meals consisting of one cherry tomato and cottage cheese. The word diet even brings along with it, images of intensely self-abusing women throwing up anything above 100 calories.

Not me. No way in hell.

Diets are for jerks. Diets are, in my opinion, our version of a 'quick fix' rather than what the word was intended to mean - what you eat. You can have a healthy diet or an unhealthy diet, but instead, the word diet equals starvation mode in my emotional brain center.

After a few tough months of embarking on a new, healthy approach to living, I've decided to shift this blog over as a way not to only share the ups and downs of my own weight-loss and health journey, but to also hold myself accountable. After a month or two of posting my weight-loss achievements (no matter how tiny) on Facebook, I've decided I needed a way to express my personal journey to becoming healthier, even if the expression is just that - to myself.
Writing it out is far better than rolling the trials and tribulations around in my head. After all, I'm still a woman and I'm still a woman at war with a sometimes wavering self-image.

This shift is designed to be informative, but most importantly to help me identify cracks in the system and to encourage others to communicate with one another about their own struggles or fitness goals. I'm not here to talk about diets. I'm here to talk about living healthfully - to make decisions in nutrition and exercise that will lead to a better kick-ass version of myself. It's going to get funny and sarcastic and emotional around here, but I have had to find a way to check myself against temptation and to finally, FINALLY, make up for some serious time lost to unnecessary indulgences.

Disclaimer - I'm no expert. I only know what works for me half the time, but I will say, if you choose to read this, you know you better than I'll ever know you. Take that into consideration. If nothing else, I hope you can relate and I hope you can deal with a bare-bones blog because I work full time; I have a family and friends; and I have community commitments that won't go away anytime soon. That said, enjoy.

This ship is turning around, so-to-speak, in a very Titanic-trying-to-evade-the-iceberg kind of way (aka - super duper slowly).

Before heading right down into the details of what's going in this girl's fitness orbit, you should know the following:

*I was once nearly 40 pounds heavier than I am now. I know what it's like to be fat, to be constantly uncomfortable, and to live on an out-of-a-box (see: Ramen, Hamburger Helper, Kraft) diet.

*I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. More on this later. Basically, it's code for slow metabolism and various other annoyances that often can thwart weight loss and energy.

*I have a goal of 20-30 pounds to lose to be in what I consider a healthy weight zone (based on BMI). Some will tell you I am my right size now. Trust me, I like the me I am, visually. But! Things can certainly improve.

*I'm learning to run. Emphasis on learning. I'm running my first 4 mile race in September. The Couch to 5K works.

*I don't follow any one diet prescription and I won't. I try to eat healthfully while understanding that sugar and basic carbohydrates make me sick and instantly gain weight. Ultimately, I try to eat what occurs naturally, but that is definitely difficult to do. I often fall off the wagon. Some would call my approach "low carb" or "Atkins friendly." That is not entirely inaccurate.

*I'm attempting to strike a balance between exercise, confident body image, nutrition, and weight-loss. This blog will serve as my check-in post.

Welcome.

In Transition

Recently, I found myself browsing the web for interesting blogs and I realized I hadn't returned to MM since Grilled Cheese Month! After reading several motivating blogs about cities, food, nutrition, travel, education, and more, I returned to MM only to think: "Wow, my blog is well...BORING."

For a super cool blog, check out: http://losingweightinthecity.com/
Theodora is quickly becoming one of my favorite bloggers.

Admittedly, I'm not an HTML guru (far from it) and I certainly don't have what I'd call a finger on the pulse of emerging technology (My Twitter is way boring). So, I began playing around with Blogger's templates (of course) and am in the process of changing things up a bit here. I've also toyed with shutting down MM permanently and starting over fresh, someplace else, but I can't seem to bring myself to do that - yet.

That said, it's time for change. This is significant because not only do I feel that this blog is way overdue for a makeover, I, too, am in serious need of a makeover. So perhaps, together, MM and I will evolve a bit more over the next few months. :-)

I realize that for the time being, a "grape" template is a bit generic, but my rationale is "Hey, I like grapes," so I'm going with it for now. Grapes make jelly and wine, so to me, this makes sense.

Stay tuned...

April is National Grilled Cheese Month!

I was browsing around Facebook this morning and to my complete and utterly happy surprise, an acquaintance posted that April is National Grilled Cheese Month!

Sometimes the simplest things get me all excited. After enduring what has been a six month long winter here in Indiana, I can honestly say that one of few comforts available to us is THE GRILLED CHEESE.

As a kid, my mom always served us grilled cheese sandwiches with Campbell's Tomato Soup. Classic. Simple. No need for alterations. Exquisite deliciousness if you ask me. That said, as I've grown up, I've discovered all kinds of ways to make grilled cheese gourmet.

See the following link for tips and ideas regarding this delectable sour day snack:
http://www.seriouseats.com/2009/04/april-is-national-grilled-cheese-month.html

Now, as someone who is CONSTANTLY managing or struggling with weight loss, the grilled cheese is not necessarily the healthiest food in the world, but it's certainly worth celebrating. Add some veggies and healthier bread (see high fiber, high protein) and you're golden.
Ah, golden like a grilled cheese.

And though I like to wax poetic on everything that vexes me in the world, it's important to focus on life's simple treats. The grilled cheese is a nostalgic one, one that makes me feel like a kid again, even if it's dolled up and served in the best of restaurants. Nurturing one's inner child can always be a productive exercise, I think. ;-)

So many of us - we get bogged down by all of Life's blows. Stress has become the "norm" and a "way of life" for most of us and it's crucial to remember little bits and pieces that bring us inner peace and comfort. For some of us, it's a favorite food, a book, a friendly chat, a nice day,...and so on.

Simple pleasures. There exists nothing like them.
Here are a few of mine:

*A great book
*A strong, hot cup of black coffee (maybe a bit of whipped cream on top)
*A gourmet grilled cheese with veggies and a hot cup of soup
*A great work out
*A reciprocating, genuine long chat with a good friend
*Cuddling
*Writing
*Sitting outside, enjoying the weather
*A great song
*Driving the car with the windows down
*The first flowers coming up during the spring (see tulips, daffodils, lilacs)

I could go on and on...
Today's assigment: think about the little, splendid things in your life that bring you joy - not the big ones. We all have those.
Think about those things today as you embark to conquer Life's frustrations, barriers, and challenges.

It's Grilled Cheese Month.
Can I get a "Hell yeah!?"

A Few Things No One Told Me About Specifically...

This one's about life lessons. I suppose most of my blog posts are, but this one is probably a little more therapeutic for me.

There are a lot of little lessons here and there that I've stumbled upon during my journey into adulthood. At the time, typically when I'm at my most pissed off or disappointed, I lament no one having warned me earlier in life. Call it a bit of a tantrum if you will. A few of my closest friends and loved ones will tell you, I'm still very capable of throwing fits.

When we're children, we look to our parents, friends, family members, community role models, well, most adults really, for guidance and direction. We take cues from them as to how we should behave and treat others. We look to them for wisdom, experience, and ultimately, expertise in all things foreign and unfamiliar. As I look back on the first 31 1/2 years of my life (*gasp!*), I can honestly say we talked little of the following obstacles, in these terms anyway, and because of how those experiences changed and shaped my life today, I'm grateful...

1. Your period really is as bad as everyone says.
The only information I received regarding menstruation was through the wisdom of Judy Bloom and one very nervous health aid who gave a 5th grade demonstration about maxi pads from the early 60s. They may have been antiques, I don't know, but I'd never seen a BELT before and to this day, am not sure what that contraption was supposed to do.

I didn't get mine until nearly three years after those two mini-interventions. My first cramps sent me to the nurse's office and I was certain I was dying of some illness I could have picked up from traipsing around the woods with our ecology class. (Must have been the Jack-in-the-Pulpits.)

I don't mean to dwell on this one, but men, if your lady is having a "time," be sympathetic. It's often as bad as they describe. They call us the stronger sex for a reason. ;-)

2. You can be anything you want to be.
I struggle with this one because I want everyone I know to achieve their dreams and attain their goals. But, not everyone is in tune enough with his/her talents and desires to find the best path. When I was in 7th grade, I wanted to play basketball. I had practiced and had been on the 5th and 6th grade teams. My coach the previous season told my mother, "Dana just doesn't have any hand-eye coordination," but I tried out nonetheless.

I was crushed when I got cut. I was even sadder when I realized that I was cut for not only my lack of skills, but because I had to go so another person could play. I cried a lot. I felt like a loser.

Then, I took that desire to play ball a bit further. 1) I did TOO have hand-eye coordination and I did TOO have a chance. I made the track team and later, set nearly seven records for my high school softball team.

You can't necessarily be anything, but you can become pretty damn good at something in the same family of that one thing you love.
I still play softball and run.

3. These are the best days of your life.
High school is certainly NOT the best time of your life. I had a pretty good high school experience, but had I tried to cram in all of my interests into four years, I'd have peaked by 18. High school is stepping stone. It's the place to hone in on your skills, develop interests, and form those into a career path. It's a time for friendships that ebb and flow with the social climate and a time to build a transcript so you can go to a really really good college and start having FUN.

High school is not the place to slack off, no matter what they tell you. Sure, most high school stuff is too easy (pun intended), but it's the place to start forming a backbone so you can ultimately become You.

Better days come later.

4. All men are pigs.
This isn't true either. Most men lead with both heads.
The ones who don't...worry.
(and that goes for both)

5. Some people are pigs.
In grade school, college, careers, and on through life, you'll encounter people who hurt you, piss you off, take you for granted, and are ultimately the boils on the butt of humanity. How you handle them is what matters. Always stay true to your instincts and values and always treat others as you'd like to be treated.

There will always be haters.
And their lives will suck more than yours.
Take it in stride.

6. You should drive a shitty car at least once.
No one told me I should like my 1984 Ford LTD. No one told me to appreciate the white walls, the red velvet cake interior, the rear wheel drive, and the fact that it was a tank, blockading me off from anything around it.

It was only when I crashed into a minivan, flipping that van completely over, that I appreciated that old land yacht. Had it not had an incredibly lengthy schnoz, my legs would have been broken. Having to drive a POS at some point in your life, builds character and brings you to appreciate the cars you own later in life.
Thank you, Dad. I seriously did NOT hit that van on purpose, totaling the LTD. I SWEAR!

7. Love will hurt sometimes.
I got a lot of advice and insight from my parents, but neither instructed me on the powers of love. Perhaps they were protecting me or perhaps they wanted me to burn my own path. At the end of the day, I'm glad they didn't skew the truths for me nor paint an unrealistic picture.

I fell in love a few times. I got hurt a few times.
I hurt a few guys a long the way.
I fell for some stupid lines and I passed up a few good ones.
As the journey continued, each scar became one more piece of the map.
You have to know pain to really appreciate pleasure.

(*We're talking emotional stuff here, people. If a man/woman slaps you around, get the F outta there.)

8. Do Unto Others...
Despite my upbringing, I've learned that not everyone cares. Most people don't. You can give and give and give until it hurts or until it leaves you dry, but if no one gives back, walk away. Reciprocity is so important for healthy relationships. There is a lot of joy in giving. There's a lot of stupidity in letting someone continue to take advantage of you.

Love unconditionally. That's fine.
Just don't be a sucker.

9. Looks don't matter.
I wish this one was true. I always received pretty positive reinforcement as a kid, but wow if the world isn't cruel. We are shown in the media that to be beautiful we need to look young, be thin, be sexy, be everything that Barbie was and then some. Rejection based upon looks is a toughie, because at our core, we can be the nicest, smartest, most wonderful person and people will still judge based upon whether or not we can wear a single-digit size or have clear skin.

Again, how you handle judgment and being passed over for someone with a little more physical chutzpa is the lesson here. At the end of the day, you have to love yourself. Everyone else can go to hell. The world isn't perfect. No one is perfect.
You don't have to be.
But some will always think it.

On the flip side, looks matter to us. We walk around comparing ourselves left and right with other men and women who have better legs, better boobs, better hair, and so on. In the process, we belittle ourselves and perpetuate the delusion that looks are everything. I confess, I have a hard time not comparing myself with other women who I feel are more attractive than I am. I've wasted a lot of time envying others when I could have been celebrating my own assets.

Looks do matter, but they should only matter as one facet of the comprehensive healthy person.

10. Tattoos mean you're a lazy sumbitch.
I had to include this one. I have a super conservative social circle (with the exception of a few key players). Growing up, tattoos were the mark of laziness and weirdness, right up there next to long hair on men and piercings. When I turned 28, I wanted a tattoo. I had spent a year picking it out and deciding what fit my life in that moment. I wanted something to "center" me and to reflect on who I was and who I was becoming.
I chose the Celtic Tree of Life.
A friend tattooed the tree on my neck. I reasoned, it was centered and it was in a place that shouldn't (note - shouldn't) stretch too much or get too fat. I also strategically had it placed underneath my long hair.

I then spent the next year hiding it from my mother, father, and family members.
Two lessons here: I'm an incredibly hard worker. The tattoo didn't change that.
And two, you should never hide what makes you, you.
I've never regretted this tattoo.

11. You have to have children in your 20s.
This is an unspoken rule in the Midwest. Some will go so far as to make babies BEFORE they're in their 20s.
Lesson learned though: if you're not mature enough to take care of yourself, then you're not mature enough to be a parent. Proceed with caution.
Women will sometimes condescend on other women who don't have children. I recently heard, "You're gonna be an OLD parent!!!"
I still don't know what's wrong with that.
I love children. I just have to take care of a few other things first.

12. Things are not always as they seem.
Sometimes a jerk really is a jerk. I once knew a guy who took advantage of everyone he knew. He openly claimed he was an asshole and a jerk and before he left the state, I came to agree with him. Some people are nasty people and the real ones know it and say it.

13. Some relationships put the FUN in DYSFUNCTIONAL.
I'm going to end on this one. I wish I had had a dollar for every time someone told me to give up on a friend or person who, paired with me, made for a bad combination. And at times, they were right. However, had it not been for all of those awkward, uncomfortable, and downright unpleasant times, I'd have never learned the difference between a bad relationship and a healthy one.

I have a best friend who most people think treats me like crap. And yeah, sometimes she really does, but we go back years and we've perfected a snarky, condescending-ish friendship over years of treating each other like sisters instead of friends.
Despite her razor sharp remarks, that girl would be the first one to rush in when I was in danger. There are points for that.
Real points.
Ask yourself how many friends you have who would jump in first, and ask questions later?

I don't mean you should nurture horrible relationships or abusive ones, but know the difference. Give and take. It all depends on the level where you and that person or persons can really thrive.
Be a good friend and you'll attract others.
Be a taker or an epic fail at friendship...well then I just don't get you at all.


I never really got into it with my role models during my childhood. All of my influences (family, friends) provided me with strength and endurance, but the above topics were ones we talked little or not at all about. And for that, I'm still thankful.
Otherwise, I'd have never learned a thing.

A Woman's Guide to Divorce Part II: Check Yourself.

Journeying through the mess of divorce for women can be incredibly stressful and emotional. If I could summarize this post with one sound piece of advice:

Don't be a Bitch.



I know what you're thinking. You've earned the right to be a bitch. You've earned the right to be mad and yell and do all things crazy in the name of that God-forsaken-asshole who's put you through hell. He deserves it. He ruined everything. He's a piece of crap human being. And so on...trust me, I know the excuses and I know all the reasons you're angry.
I was too.

I mean, let's face it, if you're a living, breathing woman, you're probably angry with or without a divorce on your record.
That said, in the spirit of progress and your own health, "Check Yourself, Before You Wreck Yourself."

Acting like a crazy psycho bitch regarding your ex-husband and his life makes YOU (say it with me) YOU look bad. Let's get one thing straight - talking trash, making problems, being all-around mean and nasty, spreading rumors, posting bad remarks, etc - all of it makes YOU look like a piece of crap, not him.
Who wins?
Him.
So why do it? And I get it, it's very easy to let go of your anger and reign it down unleashed and without much foresight, but in the end, it hurts only one person specifically, YOU.
Your goal? Never reached.
Your friends? Put out and tired of your whining and complaining.
Your family? Although sympathetic, also tired of your whining and complaining.
Your ex? Annoyed, but you've gone so far as to make his reason for not being with you, a wiser decision. Call it a stamp of approval on your break up, especially for him.
Your children if you have them? Victims.
(The last is incredibly sad and not at all acceptable.)

Here are some things to keep in mind as you struggle through the beginning or aftermath of your divorce. First, it's happening for a reason. Both you and your former spouse are at fault. One's fault may be lesser than the other, but you are both responsible for the formation, maintenance, and destruction of that relationship. Think about what roles you played. Think about what you did or didn't do. No, I'm not advocating lashing blame to yourself, but try to think clearly about what happened and what events played up to where you are today.
Think about them. Learn from them. And let them the hell go.
Beating yourself up about it isn't an option. Beating him up for it shouldn't be either.

Secondly, think about you and your children (if there are any) or other people impacted directly by your decision-making in this moment. What you say and do now can have a ripple effect that lasts forever. Your reactions and comments may hurt others and ultimately not hurt the one person you want to injure - badly.
What good does that do?
None.

It's okay to be mad. It's even okay to talk at length about how mad, how hurt, how upset, how frustrated, how unfair it is, how stupid it is, how stressful, with someone you trust. Write it down in a journal and mark your progression through your emotions. It helps. I recommend counseling. A counselor who you respect and trust will do wonders for this period of time - this time of just raw hurting.
There's nothing wrong with working through your emotions, be it right after the decision is made or years down the road. Reflection and emotional journeys are natural, and part of our composition as women. (I think it's in the estrogen, but I don't know the scientific information to back up that hunch.)

When you write down or talk about your emotions, try your best to think clearly. For instance, be rational about what happened.
Facts are different than inferences or rumors. Stick with what you know to be true. If you don't know, or if it isn't true, throw the impulse away. Any adherence to rumors, gossip, or falsehoods only perpetuate your feelings into despair and distrust. You can't help yourself if you believe what can't be proven or can't be shown to be true. You can't move on with an obsession about what he may have done, may have said, may have been. Take what's true, get pissed, and work it through.

It's easy to spiral into crazy thinking and depression when we think of all the what-ifs that could have plagued your marriage. What if he cheated? What if he never loved me? What if he really did run up the credit card? What if he never wanted children? What if, what if, what if! WTF!? Those what-ifs only cast doubt, additional pain, and frankly, stupidity on an already painful break-up.

Try not bringing unwarranted pain into the equation and see what happens. Write down what you know and what you can prove. Be angry and hurt from there. You'll heal faster. Trust me on this.

When I was going through a divorce, I suspected my ex of having relationships with other women I didn't know. Not sexual ones, professional or conversational ones that he neglected to share with me. Did I have proof? No. Did I have suspicions? Yes.
When it came down to brass tax, I couldn't prove it and I didn't know it to be true. So I let it go.
I wrote it down on a piece of paper and literally, burned it up. It didn't matter. What mattered was that my relationship was over and my own, personal hell was beginning. Change was coming whether I was pissed about the rumors or not.

I beat myself up for weeks thinking of the various reasons he may have not been more attracted to me, interested in me, close to me, etc. I got mad. I got really mad. And then I realized...we both are responsible for not caring enough. We were both too into ourselves and our own approaches to living and we didn't communicate or compromise together to make things work well. And so, the marriage died.
It didn't mean our respect for one another or our potential friendship had to die.
And it didn't.

I'm thankful that I worked through my fears and anxieties about that to ensure that my ex and I maintained a positive, healthy break up. It worked for me. It can work for you.

A few tips:

1. Get mad. Don't get even. There is nothing you can do to control what he does, who he spends his time with, and what choices he makes from this point forward. Sure, you have an opinion, but focusing on his life only means you're neglecting yours. Who wants to do that? Here's your chance to be a better you. Take it.

2. Develop healthy relationships with your children, your family, and your friends. Do it. It helps and it's worth it. They care about you; be sure to care about them.

3. Don't Facebook stalk. Don't try to see his social networking pages or his girlfriends' pages or his friends' pages. It's stupid and you'll misinterpret everything to be about you and the divorce. Quit working on your espionage skills and get a life.
Hear me?
Get a LIFE.
It's genuinely what you need.

4. Get healthy. Work out. Eat right. Work on a better, healthier you - emotionally, physically, and mentally. Take yoga. Run. Talk to a counselor or friend you trust. Lean on others for support and offer your support for others. Be a contributing person. Get involved in your community.

5. Be a stunning example of maturity. By not buying into the hype of a crazy ex, you're saying "I'm more focused on my priorities and my goals than on the pain of the past. I'm moving forward and don't need to lower myself or my standards to get into petty situations that only hurt myself and others."
You're basically telling your ex, especially if he's into drama, to F-Off. See? It worked.
Your own confidence and progress shows that he is not a roadblock for you and in the end, you win.

Seriously - I know what I'm talking about here. There's nothing cool about being a gossip, a rumor-spreader, a bitch, a hag, a bitter ex, or a trash-talking vengeful person. Doing this only makes you look bad and it makes most people NOT want to be around you. This is not the time to alienate everyone and push your supports away. In extreme cases, being a psycho ex can get you arrested. It can make others lose respect for you. You can lose respect for yourself.
No one wants that.
Especially you.

Sure, your ex may be evil.
But evil doesn't have to be you.

You know what they say about the high road.
TAKE IT.

And be a happier woman for it.

My Love Affair with Ranch Dressing: A Fat Story

Let's begin simply: I am not a skinny person.
I am not exactly a fat person.
I am a sort-of healthy person, with a passion for working out and a sincere interest in diet and nutrition.
I am about thirty pounds overweight, per the Body Mass Index (BMI).
Nearly all of my female friends are skinnier than I am. Nearly all of my female family members are skinnier than I am.
I am built like a cross between an athlete and Marilyn Monroe.
I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis (hypothyroidism) and this means my metabolic system runs like a dial-up modem.

In short, I'm an average, American woman, wearing the average American clothing size: 10/12.
To be clear, it is my dream to wear a single digit pant size and to be a healthy, fit, and attractive person all of my living days.

There's a catch though.
I am entangled in a love affair with Ranch dressing.

It began very early in life. My parents bought Hidden Valley Ranch and this was served with our salad at dinner. My mom served a garden salad with nearly every meal (which is a great thing by the way) and like every kid, my sister and I preferred the flavor of Ranch over anything we deemed weird (like Thousand Island or Raspberry Vinaigrette). We simply didn't try those. (Okay, I tried Thousand Island once on a Big Mac. The texture gives me the willies, just like sunflower seeds or mandarin oranges on a salad give me the willies.)

Later, I found myself ordering Ranch dressing when we went out to eat. Back when McDonald's served chef salads, I used to insist on those with Ranch dressing rather than a kids' meal. At the time, it annoyed my mom - those big ol' salads were expensive compared to burgers and fries - but I became hooked on the big entree salad at a young age regardless.

In high school and college - Ranch went with all raw vegetables. It's just how it was. In college, Ranch dressing became a base for my tri-color pasta salad. Post-college, my then-boyfriend inspired one of the worst Ranch offenses of all: French Fries dipped in Ranch dressing. Hot wings weren't far behind.

For thirty-some years, Ranch dressing has been a staple in my diet. I once watched an MTV reality show featuring three individuals who were dramatically overweight. In the show, there's a clip of a woman on a date and during the date, she pulls a bottle of Ranch dressing out of her purse, to use for her fries and chicken. Her date makes fun of her. She laughs. She likes it. This is how she rolls.
I remember laughing at the segment, thinking "that's not me, at least" and letting the thought pass.

Speed up to present day. I've been planted in this body frame and this pant size for damn near ten years now (save those two years when my weight ballooned up to nearly 200 pounds). Like I said, I'm not a fat person, but one thing I've noticed as I've incorporated exercise and healthier eating into my lifestyle, is that Ranch dressing seems to creep into the menu way too frequently.

According to My-Calorie-Counter.com, traditional Ranch dressing contains 146 calories per serving, 144 of them from fat. It contains 2 grams of carbohydrates (which is awesome from an Atkins perspective). It also contains 354 grams of sodium per serving.

Guess what a serving is???
Give up?

Two tablespoons.

In the past six months, I've been watching my weight and working out. I use the calorie counter to keep me in check. I've noticed how often I've had to check my calories against those found in the dressing. Let's face it. Restaurants don't serve "2 tablespoons" of dressing. They serve soup cups of dressing. You're looking at over 700 calories at this point, oftentimes nearly 1000! If you're a 2000 calorie a day dieter, you're lucky. For people like me who are supposed to stay in the 1300-1800/day range, this is a kiss of death.

Lately, I've been whining and moaning that I can't lose weight. I'm eating salad! I'm eating lean protein! I'm working out!
And I'm scarfing down Ranch dressing in a way comparable to rat with a giant wheel of cheese. Sure, I love to eat entree salads specifically the ones from Henry's on Main St., but I have to face the music, I can't destroy my efforts by ladling Ranch dressing all over my veggies.
It's made a three month plateau feel like a life sentence.

So today, I'm breaking up with Ranch. We've had a lot of great times and I'll be tempted again, I'm sure, but I've got to see if this is the blockade wrecking my efforts.
It's not that I want to be skinny; I want to be healthy.
I want to be physically fit.

A little girl called me "slender" yesterday. I beamed like crazy all afternoon because of it. I can't allow Marzetti, Hidden Valley, and Kraft ruin this for me.
For someone who doesn't eat fast food much anymore and who is that interested in a healthy frame/weight, it seems crazy to continue with this destructive relationship.

Adios, Ranch.

And as I approach this new world, one filled with more olive oil and vinaigrette, I have some other culprits to confront:

Pizza (Because, let's face it, I don't eat the healthy kind yet.)
Salty snacks (I have been known to eat nearly all Doritos at any given party. Cool Ranch anyone?)
French Fries (I am not sure I can be trusted with them near my plate.)
Nachos (My equivalent for weakness in molten, cheesy form.)

I'm a savory person at heart and Ranch was one nasty element in that equation, but that formula is breaking my stride, slowing me down, and making my goal that much more difficult to attain.
I'm hoping my friends and family can hold me accountable.

Breaking up, after all, is very hard to do.

Tardies

It has been awhile since my last post and I fully intended to write something meaningful about divorce again, but frankly, I can't write about that today. It's not on my emotional or creative radar. With that out of the way, let's discuss the topic of tardiness.

One of my biggest, most irritating peeves is adults who are habitually late to everything - meetings, work, social gatherings, appointments,...you name it. You know who they are. They're the ones we have to adjust our own clocks for. "If I tell her 7:30 pm, then she'll definitely be there by 8:00 pm," for example, or "Yeah, he's always about ten minutes late, so we should probably go ahead and order our drinks."

This, my friends, is horse shit. Now, I am not irrational about this topic. I know that things sometimes prevent us from being on time. I have been stuck in traffic having planned sufficient time to get to work or tried to leave for an appointment only to have an unannounced colleague stop in to talk about something important to our work. I have been late. What I haven't been though is HABITUALLY LATE.

So this is for all of you, TARDIES. Consider this when you're giving yourself a five-ten minute cushion or arriving thirty minutes late for an appointment.

When all is said and done, being habitually late is RUDE and it makes you look bad to others. It smacks of unreliability and instantly subtracts your maturity credits. Showing up late to everything is selfish, irresponsible, and is not a good way to be taken seriously. Let me clarify a bit. When I say "tardy," I mean, late all the time, for everything, and without remorse, reason, or excuse. Now that you have all the caveats, I'll continue.

Tardies often don't feel all that badly for being late to something. There is often little by way of reason and at times, they portray this "Well, you know how I am" attitude whenever a suspicious or disappointed glance is thrown in their direction. Tardies, to be clear, don't really care if they've kept others waiting or inconvenienced someone else. Tardies care strictly about themselves, their own timetable, and expect others to conform to this irresponsible sense of untimeliness.

A tardy would be late to his own funeral causing the mortician incredible grief, not to mention his friends and family.
I jest not.

In grade school, tardies were given detention or write-ups for their lateness. There were consequences. How that didn't transition to adulthood, I don't know. Maybe they had poor role models who were late to everything. Maybe they simply have an aversion to scheduling, but what Tardies don't understand is that there are real consequences to their routine, unprofessional behavior.

1. Tardies make everyone else wait. This is blatant disrespect. Your friends, family, loved ones, coworkers, etc. have made time to make you a priority and you keep them waiting on you. You expect them to adjust and relax about it, but in actuality, you've messed with their schedules, their patience, and their sense of time management so they can get their goals completed that day. Your lateness is rude, inconsiderate, and well, tardy. All you're saying with your actions is that you care more about you and much, much less about others.

2. You are unreliable. You can't prove that you can show up on time, so what would compel an employer to hire you? If a manager cannot rely on your showing up on time to do your job, what does that mean for his/her company or department? Tardiness can cost you money and respect.

3. You look stupid and disorganized. People who are always late are considered more childish and more incapable of responsibility. More and more people will avoid giving you responsibilities or asking you to do things. You will exist without much professional or social credit. You're a lark - a disorganized person who can't be trusted with what's important.

4. You let people down. Show up late to your child's program or a friend's wedding? Show up late to a date or a meeting? Putting your unwillingness to plan ahead and refusal to schedule wisely shows you simply don't care about the team here. This can result in loss of relationships - unions important for social balance and comfort. Who wants to be there for you when you won't be there for someone else?

5. Being a tardy, as mentioned before, is selfish. Selfish people don't make friends and they're not great role models. You're the paramount of "what not to do" as it relates to everything and eventually, people will stop calling, stop asking, and stop adjusting. Being a tardy can result in loneliness.

And this is what I don't understand. Perhaps I am naive to think that is a very important characteristic in adults, but I've found that more often than not, people who are late to everything are widely unpopular, unfocused, immature, and typically the last one to arrive and the first one to leave. There's an exception to every rule, but to date, I haven't found it.

Even if your friends and family make jokes about your always being late, this isn't a good thing; it's their way of coping until one day they can't take it anymore. Eventually, tardies are going to miss something important and it's going to hurt more people than ever intended. I have yet to hear someone I know (who is a Tardy) give me a reason (a valuable reason) for always being late. Here are some excuses though:

"You know me. I'm always late." (F-Off.)

"I'm running behind." (So, you still set your alarm as late as possible? How about setting it for ten minutes earlier. Just in case?)

"I've just been so busy, ya know." (Really?! As in, my time isn't valuable and I'm not? Again, F-Off.)

"I was on the phone." (If you can't multitask or prioritize by now, I don't wanna connect with you all that much.)

"Thanks for waiting." (You're assuming I did it willingly.)

Growing up, I lived in a family who was perpetually early to everything. I still do this. It's not really a great way to go either, but it's far less disrespectful than being late. If anything, I've grown comfy sitting in my running car for ten minutes before going in for an appointment.

And life does happen to people. Cars break down. Kids throw fits and wrench up even the best laid plans. People get sick. People oversleep. Traffic is nightmarish. I know, I've been there. Being late once and awhile isn't a problem. It happens. But being that guy/woman who is ALWAYS behind schedule, always tardy, is inexcusable to me. It's downright rude.

I know I sound self-righteous and I don't mean to. Not really. I recognize that though I'm always on time, I need to relax my sense of right/wrong. I get that. But it seems as if in this day it's more commonplace and "accepted universally" that people can be late. With all of our technology for scheduling and multitasking, if anything, we should be ahead of schedule, if not, at least, on time.

*end rant*