I'm Working Out & Eating Like I Don't...

For the past two months, I've been working out with a personal trainer and eating like a chubster would at their local Dairy Queen (wait a minute...have YOU tried the peppermint Blizzard yet!?) Let's face it, I ate the Blizzard on Sunday and even though it was a mini size (thank you for that), I left the DQ filled with guilt. I also experienced guilt over those slices of pizza and the toffee candy I just popped in my mouth two minutes go.

Needless to say, this abominable "nutrition plan" has complemented my work out plan like Jeggings would compliment Kathy Bates. It doesn't work. Sure, I'm working out 3-4 days a week and hitting the gym hard, thanks to a trainer who is simply "no nonsense" and takes my grunts and groans as "Oooh, she must like this! Ten more seconds in the plank position."
BAH!

But to be fair, the trainer's help is awesome and I'm learning a lot about what my body can and could do with a little more discipline and more time spent on improvement. I'm torching calories and toning up, but I'm losing ZERO weight.

That's right people: ZERO pounds. In TWO months.
ZERO.

Last week, during a training appointment, I had my measurements taken. I've lost inches in the funniest places:
3/4 inches off one of my legs. (Yes, you read that properly - I have a fat leg and a skinny leg.)
1/4 inches off my waist
3/4 inches off my neck (I couldn't believe this either. I had inches to lose in my neck!)

This is me being honest - The above report SUCKS.

Talk about being disappointed in myself. In past years, if I wanted to lose weight, I'd go low-carb and that'd be the end of it. Ten pounds would peel off in no time flat and I'd simply work out more. Now?
It's not that simple anymore. I'm working with professionals who encourage me to eat following the low-glycemic index and who believe that progress should be slow-going.
(Sigh)

And to further that honesty - the scale hasn't budged because I'm a big wuss about the nutrition part of it and have allowed myself into too many scenarios when I'm starving and running for cold pizza for breakfast. To be fair, I haven't been eating junk all the time, but I certainly haven't been watching my diet or really following the directions. In short, I've been working out so I can eat. This - proven here - does nothing but allow me to stay the same size and the same poundage.

This isn't why I'm doing this.
I have goals.
Or rather, I thought I did. Someone needs to explain the goals again to my brain, because it's my brain that doesn't get that I can't eat whatever the hell I want and still fit into bikini. (Did I mention that goal? I'd like to wear a bikini again. Someday. I haven't worn one since 1998. Not.Kidding.)

I know I'm being hard on myself, but I've fallen into the self-destructive eating pattern when I should be listening to the pros and just doing it; just eating what they prescribe, because who better to know what works than a professional?
I certainly can't be trusted on my own!

So it's accountability time again. Here's where I'm going wrong lately. (Don't worry, I'll follow it up with some accomplishments.) :-)

1. I'm eating like calories and portions don't really matter.
2. Snacks are replacing meals. I've been busier than I've ever been before (w/ stressful situations, work, and holidays) and I'm eating on the go all the time.
3. I'm eating out a lot. A LOT. And usually when I'm too hungry.
4. I'm eating too much processed food and not enough fruit and vegetables. I haven't been cooking at home much or packing my lunch properly for work.
5. I've been giving in to peer pressure.
6. I've been too hard on myself when I should have just picked myself back up and forged ahead, wiser.
7. I've ONLY been working out 3-4 days a week. This is not enough.
8. Stress has taken over where common sense used to be.
9. Holiday baking. Hrmph.
10. I have an unrealistic vision of what a 'portion' is.

There. It's out in the open. I suck with the nutrition part of my plan. This doesn't mean I can't fix it. I will. I am.
Writing this blog is a part of that and I know I'm pretty critical of myself, but at the same time, I can't just ignore my behavior. If I want to reach my goals, then I have to get over some of my food demons. Otherwise, I'm going to let my trainer down and ultimately, myself down.
No one likes a quitter. And no one likes a whiner.

And to get out of the whine part of this blog, here is what IS going well:

1. I did lose inches. That's a plus.
2. I'm stronger and I can see emerging muscle tone. Strength training is turning my body into a fight-worthy machine. You may wanna mess with me, but you shouldn't mess with me. ;-)
3. I like my work outs. (even though they hurt - a lot)
4. I'm still committed to this.
5. I haven't been binge eating. No buckets of chicken for one or anything like that. I've abstained from fast food especially for the most part.
6. People close to me notice my body is firmer and tighter. The compliments I've received are nice.
7. I'm STILL DOING THIS! I'm NOT quitting!
8. Did I mention that I did hold that plank for another ten seconds! Yes, yes I did. Thank YOU very much!
9. My clothes fit well. Same size. Better fit.
10. I'm not naive or blindly blocking out reality. I know what needs to be done to move forward into 2012.

So you see, amidst the recent failures, I have some reasons to celebrate and keep going. That's a plus. And I'm adjusting my goals a little so I can chart my victories, big or small, this year:

1. Lose the appropriate amount of pounds for my height/frame. (Me and my trainer know what this number is.)

2. Get comfortable being ME. And get comfortable with the emerging me.

3. Talk more; eat less. (If you've ever gone out to dinner with me, you know this one.)

4. Celebrate all the reasons to treat my body with love and respect. Oh yeah, and actually treat my body with love and respect. ;-)

5. Give up on unrealistic expectations I've always secretly held onto.

6. Quit comparing myself to other people. I'm not them; they're not me. I may be bigger, but they may have bad breath or outstanding warrants.

;-)

You get the picture. And I apologize if my blog sounds the same and it sways back and forth between being exuberant over a race to self-deprecating over a weight gain or a set-back, but you know what people?

That's life.

My life.

So hang on with me or get outta the way.

Merry Christmas.
Happy New Year!

Still Running...

Hello! Some time has gone by since my last post, but as you can see from this awesome group Turkey-Day photo, I'm still running!

On Thanksgiving morning (aka my birthday), two good friends and I ran a turkey trot (4 mile). It was cold; it was hilly; it was worth it.

My time hasn't improved much, in fact, I gained a minute from the September race, but considering this course was far hillier than the first, I'm not shocked.

It was a good "get your booty in gear" start to the holiday and it kicked off a great day spent with friends - one where I wasn't feeling guilty all day for eating snacks and butter-laden casseroles.

I don't have another run scheduled yet and I'm dedicating this winter to becoming fitter, leaner, and hopefully, faster. Yes, I can run several miles, but well, not at all quickly.
I've added the help of a personal trainer and am hoping that helps me reach some goals between now and the spring time, when I hope to be able to do at least a 10K.

Here's me - really glad to be done!
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Just check out that crazy ponytail!

Talk about making your birthday count. I could have slept in and really relaxed. No way. I've got too much riding on this whole fitness thing. :-)

This race was family-friendly (see: Big Turkey mascot) and though not as well attended as the September Fort4Fitness, it brought in a crowd of over 3,000 to the small, quaint University of Saint Francis area.

Back to the regular fitness programming...

I've been working with a trainer for about a month now. Sadly, I haven't seen any pounds lost, but have gained some muscle definition and feel a lot stronger and healthier.
(Well, except for this week's bout of the stomach flu.)

I confess, watching the scale jump manically between 5-10 pound weight gains and losses each week makes me feel crazy. However, my clothes fit; I feel good (most of the time); and I have to be making progress. Somewhere.
My workouts have gone from once or twice a week to sometimes 4-5. My training appointments hold me accountable for three of those days, which is awesome, and those appointments make me excited to work out alone. :-)
(Wait, that's not exactly how I meant it...)

My diet?
Still needs work. Big time. I'm considering going back to low-carb, but it's too soon on this program to just give up on the new whole grains.

I hope to check in more frequently, but I've gotten caught up in the living part of this and not the documenting and I'm still trying to balance it out.




Happy Holidays!