"I just came here to kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're all outta beer."

In the cult classic, Dazed and Confused, there's a crucial scene where Adam Goldberg's nerdy character, Mike, offends a party-goer named Clint by commenting about the "reefer" smell at the Moon Tower party. Clint, likely too buzzed and likely a rendition of a typical ego-driven bad boy, takes Mike's off-handed comment and responds by confronting him and attempting to initiate a fight. Before things get out of hand, Clint makes the remark that I've used for the title of today's blog.

If you're like me, Dazed and Confused is a film you had to see back in high school and you can remember hundreds of funny lines and several awkward scenes like this one. For Mike, this scene leaves him a state of unprepared shock. A goody-goody and scholastic achiever, Mike (so it seems) has never been confronted by someone threatening verbal or physical abuse and his initial response is to apologize, cower away, and let the tension pass. However, for those who remember the film, Mike doesn't handle the embarrassment of being confronted for long and later plots to start his own fight with Clint.

My point? To talk about the awkward, aggressive moment. You know the ones; the moments when you've unintentionally made someone angry and you're ill-prepared to respond to abusive comments or the threat of a physical fight. If you're the Clint type, well then, you may want to gloss over this entry.

Most of us want to avoid confrontation if at all possible. The thought of someone kicking our asses or having to defend ourselves against a verbal assault is enough to make us tell every white lie in history to avoid a "scene," especially in public.

Yesterday, I upset a man who wanted to use the computer service in my office. He knew he wasn't allowed to use the service and had been lying each time he came in in order to do so. Having been caught, he was angry that I had told him "No." At this point, the man towered over me screaming, "I ain't gonna have no woman telling me what to do! I do what I want to do! And I'm gonna come back and do something about this!"
In the moment, I felt my blood turn hot, felt my face flush, and got that tingle under my skin that warns: "You're in a situation. Time to choose your response."
My knee-jerk response would have been: "You know what, a-hole? That's just fine! That's just fine that you don't want a woman telling you what to do and so if that's the case, get your drunk, ugly ass out of my office because right now, the woman is running the place!"
(I would have my fists clenched up too.)
BUT! The response that came out was, "I'm sorry you feel that way, sir. Please come back when you have satisfied your requirements for use of the computer lab."

Talk about anti-climatic. Meanwhile, I'm left with the stress of unused anger, the blood still boiling, the teeth grinding, the face screwed up in a perpetual smirk that reads "I cannot believe that guy F-ed with me."
That guy? He left with the comfort of having spoken his piece - anger left like glass shattered all over my office floor. More crap to step in during the day.

How many times do we choke on our own rage and initial response to defend and protect ourselves? How often do you fall on your own sword to protect those around you or for the sake of being composed, professional, polite? I liken the unspent frustration to having a profound case of gastrointestinal woe.

It sucks. When I was 21, I went to a Muncie Wal-Mart (gasp!) to buy some booze with a friend. Back then, we were high on the fact that we were of age and if we could get Icehouse or Keystone or Dark Eyes at Wal-Mart, that was fine by us. Upon leaving the store, I saw a woman dragging her toddler daughter by the hair and screaming obscenities. The little girl was sobbing and struggling and this cow of a woman was just beating the tar out of her in the parking lot.
(Note - this WAS Wal-Mart after all!)

My gut got the best of me in this situation. I passed our bags to my friend and went charging after this woman, incensed and driven by a mission to protect someone smaller, more innocent than myself. Screaming, "You better let go of her! Pick on someone your own size!" I got within feet of this woman who turned to me, fist raised, and ready to hit the next person who got in her way. "I know the difference between discipline and beating!" I shouted, "And if you want to beat on someone, go on and try beating up on me!"

Poor little girl, she took one look at my stupid college girl outfit and flabbity arms and made a face as if to say "Girl, you're not going to win this thing. You've made it worse."

The woman charged at me and in the moment, the 'flight' response kicked in. I grabbed for my cell phone threatening to dial 911. I knew just then that this woman a) out-sized me by about 50-100 pounds and b) wasn't afraid of doing damage to me. My dialing the phone stopped her. The passersby stopped her. And the crisis was averted.

Again, a missed chance to tangle with someone, but at least we were both alive and relatively unharmed. Again, a waste of rage.

At a concert not long ago, an angry audience member shoved me out of her way, both hands on my shoulders. She was mad because I was taking photos of the band and in the front row. To make matters worse, she was delusioned into thinking I was the new lead singer's girlfriend. (Not true, but I challenge anyone to talk sense into a clinically crazy person.)
As she shoved me, I felt this was the PERFECT opportunity for a brawl. I haven't been in a fight since I was ten. Here was my chance.

And I backed away. My friend stepped in and checked the situation by telling Ms. Crazy Pants just where she could take her crazy self. The loon was hauled off by her buddies shortly after.

What's my point? I'm not a violent person. I have a long history of missed chances to go to the floor with people who are mean to me; people who are abusive; people who are just plain crazy. There are those of us who fight and those of us who don't, I guess.
But my patience with backing down for the sake of composure has worn thin I think. I came into this world and was raised in this world to be kind to everyone. I still believe in that and I still live by that.

But I also came into this party for the beer and it looks like we're running out of beer.
:)